I'm sitting here in my home in silence, just listening to the refrigerator hum. I can here the clicking of the keys on my keyboard. These are sounds I don't hear very often. I'm not really someone who enjoys silence. I prefer music, tv, or people talking. I am an extrovert, I derive much of my energy for life from other people. However, lately I find that all the time I spend with my children has created a desire of solitary moments of silence. Since I started to homeschool the two girls there are few breaks. It is either myself or my husband caring for and teaching them. I can see why mothers send their children off to school. It seems it would be easier. I have my moments.
My oldest child is draining my energy. She constantly seems to feel the need to test me. Will I still love her if she spills Nerds everywhere? Will I still love her when she pours water all over her sister leaving puddles all over the floor? Will I still love her after she places boogers all over the walls and doors? Will I still love her when she takes all the organic baby carrots out of the bag to play with? Will I still love her when she places stickers all over her window? Sure I will still love her, but dang I can't stand the behavior. Today she spent at least 2 hours in her room in timeouts. Not all at one time, but spread out throughout the day. At one point, I took a 10 minute timeout in my room.
I have gained 10 lbs. since I started homeschooling my children. Since I am 100 lbs. overweight to start, this is not a good development. I am trying to walk more and get to the Y to swim. I find it difficult to get anywhere when I have 2 children that don't want to do what I want them to do it when I want to do it.
I adore reading and haven't read a book in months. I am losing myself in this quest to homeschool my children. I think I am going to have us go on a school break. Maybe if I stop focusing so much on providing learning experiences in all aspects of our daily life I can get some balance back. I was told by some other homeschool Moms that it can take 5 months to adjust to this new way of doing things. I am in the 3rd month.
I love to write as well and wanted this blog to be a cathartic release of my babblings. I haven't been following through with this either. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and disappointed in myself. Why can't I seem to get into the swing of things. I think I keep waiting for the magic formula of it all coming together. Maybe after a bit of a break I can get a fresh perspective.