Wednesday, November 10

Adjustment Period

I'm sitting here in my home in silence, just listening to the refrigerator hum.  I can here the clicking of the keys on my keyboard.  These are sounds I don't hear very often.  I'm not really someone who enjoys silence.  I prefer music, tv, or people talking.  I am an extrovert, I derive much of my energy for life from other people.  However, lately I find that all the time I spend with my children has created a desire of solitary moments of silence.  Since I started to homeschool the two girls there are few breaks.  It is either myself or my husband caring for and teaching them.  I can see why mothers send their children off to school.  It seems it would be easier.  I have my moments.

My oldest child is draining my energy.  She constantly seems to feel the need to test me. Will I still love her if she spills Nerds everywhere? Will I still love her when she pours water all over her sister leaving puddles all over the floor? Will I still love her after she places boogers all over the walls and doors?  Will I still love her when she takes all the organic baby carrots out of the bag to play with? Will I still love her when she places stickers all over her window?  Sure I will still love her, but dang I can't stand the behavior. Today she spent at least 2 hours in her room in timeouts. Not all at one time, but spread out throughout the day.  At one point, I took a 10 minute timeout in my room.

I have gained 10 lbs. since I started homeschooling my children.  Since I am 100 lbs. overweight to start, this is not a good development. I am trying to walk more and get to the Y to swim. I find it difficult to get anywhere when I have 2 children that don't want to do what I want them to do it when I want to do it.

I adore reading and haven't read a book in months. I am losing myself in this quest to homeschool my children.  I think I am going to have us go on a school break.  Maybe if I stop focusing so much on providing learning experiences in all aspects of our daily life I can get some balance back.  I was told by some other homeschool Moms that it can take 5 months to adjust to this new way of doing things.  I am in the 3rd month. 

I love to write as well and wanted this blog to be a cathartic release of my babblings.  I haven't been following through with this either.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and disappointed in myself.  Why can't I seem to get into the swing of things. I think I keep waiting for the magic formula of it all coming together.  Maybe after a bit of a break I can get a fresh perspective.

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