Is There a Miracle Move in the Works?

Oh wow, is my procrastination catching up with me now.  We are 6 days away from the movers coming to pack our things in boxes.  I have a refrigerator full of food, mail I haven’t opened, and addresses I haven’t changed. I still have loads of laundry to do before I even attempt to pack our suitcases. I feel a bit queasy thinking about it, or that could be my gallbladder acting up again. There is probably going to be another break in the blogs for a bit until we get settled again.

I wonder, with the miracle of my holy heart being healed do I deserve peace in other aspects of my life. Well, of course I deserve nothing, but do I have the right to ask for something? I mean really having the hole in my heart close is pretty spectacular. Besides my absolutely beautiful daughters that God is allowing us to parent, I’m not sure what else I could really ask for. Peace on this Earth would be cool.

However, I am experiencing some severe turmoil. I am not resting on the Lord. I hate this feeling of not being prepared. Every moment I spend sitting at the computer, reading, shopping, or watching one TV show, I am beating myself up about not sorting through things or organizing things for the move. I also spend too much time thinking about things that don’t matter at the time. Does God have a limited amount of miracles he gives out per person, per family? Why some people and not others?

I am surprised that I have the “Why me?” question for my healing. With all my accidents, misdiagnosis, mental and physical health issues, I never said, “why me.” I was always of the thought, “why not me?” I have a trust and faith in God that carries me through the trying times. For the most part I am a positive person with a good ability to put on a good face (mask). I trusted He knew what He was doing and eventually it would get better. Now that God has healed the hole in my heart I now wonder, “Why me?” There are so many people with cancers, severe pain and anguish that I think would be so more deserving. The men, women and children who do not have any resources or support, why not them? 

What really perplexes me now is how can I ever ask God again for anything? I am having a hard time preparing myself for this move from Vegas to Tucson. How will we bring in income? How will we pay the bills? Will I get my act together quickly enough in Tucson to be able to get Christmas decorations up before Christmas? Will I be able to get my girls the #1 gifts on their Christmas lists despite them being out of stock all over the country? Does it really matter?

I have been avoiding some really necessary tasks. I keep telling myself to cast my cares upon the Lord. I just know that I am not doing that as much as I could. I don’t doubt that I still need Him. Deep breaths…. I just don’t know if it is fair of me to ask, like God has some finite amount of help He hands out. How absurd is that!  Well, I never said it was rational thoughts that I have, random yes, rational, only sometimes. Actually I have obsessive thoughts, analyzing different angles sometimes missing the most obvious. I don't need a miracle to move, just some peace and grace.

In the midst of my philosophical musings, I need to get moving. I will go conquer the laundry. The movers will come even if I am not ready. They will pack dirty clothes, but I have an issues with that so off I go.

How does that happen?

I just spent a good 10 minutes typing up a follow up to my Holy Trip. Then as my fingers were flying across the keyboard, my paragraphs of text disappeared. What key did I hit to make that happen? I really would like to know since it has happened to me while writing out lengthy e-mails as well. It isn't like I am some mad typist. I only type about 35 words per minute with lots of errors. I watch the keyboard half the time too. I stay on the home keys and the main keyboard. I don't have stray fingers near the delete key or backspace since they are near punctuation I don't use. The program saves a draft of what you type. However, for some reason when I went to the draft it was blank. Sigh, now I don't have the time to whip out another version of my follow up. I will have to come back to it later. In the meantime be careful when your typing. Beware the mystery key on the central keyboard that deletes your work.

My Frazzled Disconnected Line of Thought Tonight

Sat down to write another blog. I was going to lament about disfiguring skin diseases, but got distracted. I went to Google to verify the spelling of something and off I went on another subject. When did Google become spell check and the dictionary? I digress. I think I am just going to point out why I have a hard time blogging.  I really don't have a direction with this now, but just try to stick with me.

Somewhere in the list of pages that my misspelled word came up with there was an article about a politician. I then found myself reading an article in the Washington Post. A list of top 10 stories caught my eye so then I read about a lawyer who is now a topless dancer. She said she always thought she would never do it, but she is due to the economy effecting the availability of jobs for lawyers. As I was reading I had my Facebook account open and got a ding for a chat. While chatting a friend's blog caught my attention so when my chat was over, I headed over to read a blog. That reminded me that I needed to put the date on my calendar that I need to mail my Mother's Birthday card in order for it to be on time. I help people have progressive birthdays, but I don't think they may see it that way.

Once on my Google calendar I realized I didn't know what park our group is meeting at tomorrow. I went to the Yahoo group web page to check the park location. It is a set event each week on the calendar just the location changes.  On the details of the event it reads: Dieses Ereignis wiederholt sich am dritten Donnerstag jedes Monats. Looks like German to me, but I don't know for sure, so I Google it. I mention it on my Facebook post which engages me in some comments and another chat. Come to find out getting a translation of a phrase is not as easy as you would think. I keep getting asked to download this free program, "Easy Translation is Just A Click Away." Sure that won't be what I will be thinking when I pick up some computer virus, malware, or software that creates conflict on my system. This whole foreign phrase thing is really fascinating to me now. Someone else checked the Yahoo group calendar page I am referring to and they don't see it. So I clicked back to it and it is gone. So was I hallucinating. Is my computer now filled with the Holy Spirit and talking in tongues? How bizarre. We know a family that moved to Germany this summer, the Miller family. My girls loved to go over their house to play and they were members of the same Yahoo group that we would meet at playgrounds. Sigh... I miss the Miller family. That phrase made me think of them immediately. Hmm, said a prayer for the family, maybe it was a sign from God to pray for them? This foreign phrase that displayed on my computer for an internet groups calendar. No one else saw it and I have no clue what it means. It got me to take a moment to pray. The family is on my daily list, but they got extra today! I often find myself praying for people when I am on the computer. Maybe from a story I read, or a picture I see. Another topic to write about someday on top of the other 3 I discovered while typing this.

I think the internet has made me ADD.  I never follow the same line of thought or get to a point. In blogging this entry I have gone back and forth to it like 20 times. Each time struggling to stay on some sort of consistent theme or direction. I think I mislabeled my blog. I should have been the "Distracted Analyst." Anywho, I dislike not knowing something. Now it is past midnight, I started writing this at 10 PM, and I have to get to bed. This is my life, fits and starts, distractions, and then a mystery to keep me awake. Good night.

Oh hey, let me know if you can translate:  Dieses Ereignis wiederholt sich am dritten Donnerstag jedes Monats.