My Life is a Basket of Bread - Living on Restricted Diets

Well, it isn't exactly. My life is certainly not a bowl of cherries though. That would be healthy and we aren't quite there yet. So, I was making some beef stew this morning in the crock pot and started this line of thought about the food in our home and our diets. Making the stew, gluten free of course.

Beef Stew Cooking - about 1/2 way done. It looks better in person.
Hamilton Beach 8-Qt. Slowcooker (Google Affiliate Ad)

Yes, Hey has to be gluten free and Myrrh has to be dairy free and technically egg white free. We aren't real strict on the egg white free diet for Myrrh because it was based on an allergy test of her blood. The doctor told us on a scale of 1-4 her allergy to egg whites was less than 1. He suggested we not let her have recipes heavy with egg whites, like omelets, quiche, scrambles eggs, you get the idea. So she is exposed to eggs, but usually not to much. Her egg exposure is usually minimum. We have had a harder time adjusting to her dairy free diet than her sister's gluten free diet. At the age of  5 when we had her tested and evaluated she had a very established diet, very heavy on the dairy. Peanut butter and dairy were her primary sources of protein since she won't eat any beans, nuts or meat. Well, except for chicken nuggets and hot dogs, but we only let her eat those about once per week, unless we are having a hate grocery shopping and lazy cooking kind of week. Some of her more healthy favorite foods were yogurt, cheese sticks and things sprinkled with Parmesan cheese. Seems that milk is in many of her favorite foods. We have adjusted, but have to tweak a few things here and there since NASA doesn't always think about it enough. If we have it in the house and it isn't blatantly thought of as having milk, he may let her have it. Since Hey has been gluten free since age 3 (now almost 8)  he has gotten much better, but he is still learning with Myrrh.

I guess my husband isn't alone. Dairy free for other people is more of a challenge than you would think. For example, at church yesterday they let her eat chocolate Oreo cookies. Last night and this morning, she was complaining her tummy hurt. Well, when I asked what she ate yesterday she told me about the cookies. We have let her eat the yellow Oreos, but definitely not the chocolate. Myrrh had it marked on her name tag that she must be dairy free. She said one of the teenage helpers read the ingredients and said there wasn't any dairy in them. Well, clearly people do not associate milk with chocolate, although I am pretty sure they say milk on the package. So we talked about the fact that most of the time when an ingredient on packaged or junk food is chocolate that it usually means milk chocolate, not cocoa which is what we get in dairy free chocolate bars from Sprouts.

Some people may ask, "Why have it in the house, if your husband and children have a hard time with their diets?" Well, unfortunately I am addicted to wheat, love Eggs and dairy. I need the yogurt for yeast imbalance. Yes, I know I can take pro biotic supplements. I have to give Myrrh a pro biotic powder daily. However, I have learned garlic and yogurt work much better for me. I use the supplements too. Sad to say, but I know my yeast problems are due to my wheat and sugar diet. I am trying, really.  I am addicted and I know I have mentioned this before. I need rehab to break the addiction. Through rehab I could train my body to crave a more Paleo type diet, processed sugar and wheat free. If I can just detox from the processed sugar and wheat, I think the cravings would stop. Maybe that is unrealistic, but I know it would be my best chance. Bypass surgery would be useless on me because I know I would probably still make myself sick to eat the foods I crave. Heck I know that my body reacts to certain foods, especially when I eat out. You would think the horrible stomach discomfort and the need to run to the bathroom after 30 minutes of ingesting the poison would be enough to change my ways. Nope, I still eat it. That is a serious addiction issue.  I bet 80% of my health issues would resolve themselves with a back to fresh, basic, unprocessed food LIFESTYLE. Yes, not a diet, a new lifestyle. Then my house will have to be cleansed of my trigger food for a few days when I return from rehab. Of course, my children and husband being with me on this new lifestyle would be an added bonus, but I think if my body no longer craved it I would be okay after the first week or so of being home.

I can sit in a house with a bag of M&Ms and only consume a few at a time, once a day. Most of the time it takes us, the three family members who can eat it, 5 days to finish a 9 ounce or larger bag of candy. Well, at least 27 days out of the month. I do sometimes have a binge issue 1-3 days out of the month. I am learning my trigger foods (and some of my husband's too). We call yellow Oreos, the ones Myrrh can eat, crack. I want to meet someone on a typical American diet who can eat only 1 of them once a day. I swear they have a drug in them, hence why we call them crack. I laugh at the resealable packages. Those Oreos don't stand a chance of going stale. They don't last more than 3 days in our house. They are an evil food. Gluttony is a sin. If a food causes me to overindulge, it is evil, and I have sinned. Yep, it is my responsibility. It is now known that food companies purposely flavor foods to be more desirable, or simply put, addictive.

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.”Proverbs 5:23

Anywho, we are trying to get processed and toxic food out of the house. It is a gradual process. Unfortunately, Myrrh is a concern. She looses weight whenever I try and remove a major staple of her diet. The things like crackers, cereal, Pop Tarts and breads. We finally weaned her off Pop Tarts while Grandma was here this winter, but I screwed up. I had a $1.00 off coupon from Fry's AND a $1.00 manufacturers coupon. I went to Fry's with Mir, she asked and I bought. I know I enabled her. Cutting out and keeping those coupons was my first error. She asked me if I had a coupon because she saw they were on sale. I am a weak Mom when it comes to feeding this child. Plus, my husband and I love how convenient they are and they do taste good. They were super cheap, like 85 cents a box after sale and coupons. I have decided though, once those three boxes are gone, no more. There is only half of 1 box left. I went grocery shopping last night, without the children, and didn't buy any. So, I have to stop cutting out coupons for processed foods AND not grocery shop with my children.

If I buy healthier alternatives, eventually Myrrh will at least try them. She rarely likes them, but who can blame her. The alternative foods usually do have a different look, flavor or have an odd texture. The worst is that the good alternatives are super expensive. We try.

We are trying to detox our diets the best we can and as cost effectively as possible. We now have a garden. I will only buy organic apples. I try to be sure to buy organic items that the girls consume on a regular basis. We get grass fed beef. I buy our boneless chicken breast  from Zaycon Foods. It is supposed to be fresher and less processed than regular grocery store chicken breast. I only get cage free eggs. I buy only Hebrew National Hot Dogs and the nitrate free lunch meats, like Hormel. I buy organic broths in the cartons. I have cut in half our use of canned products.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

It is hard to eliminate all the allergen foods in our home. Hey, our gluten free girl, who can't have bananas or cucumbers either, really enjoys being able to eat dairy foods like gluten free pizza. She loves my cheesy chicken casserole. Myrrh, our dairy free, who shouldn't have egg whites, loves bread. NASA and I love our cheeses and breads. Hence, why our home supply of food isn't as restrictive as we need, but it is the way we want it for now. Now if NASA could just be more careful and remember which child is which, it would be very helpful. However, each girl is getting better as they get older.

Groceries this week & pantry on the road to recovery! 

Hey is the most reliable at turning down foods with wheat. She will be 8 next month and has been gluten free since age 3. She tested allergic, but does not have celiac disease. Myrrh is 6 years old and has only been dairy free for less than 2 years. Eventually they will be able to self regulate their diets. Hey and Myrrh are learning that their tummy troubles and sore bottoms are related directly to what they eat. Being so young, hopefully they choose not to create such horrible discomfort for themselves. I hope they don't grow up to have addiction issues.

Do you have a child with a special or restricted diet? What changes have you made? What do you find is the most helpful resource for special diets?

© 2013 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

I'm in a Funk! Ya think...

In this case I am going with Etymology #2 as defined by Wictionary.
Noun

funk (countable and uncountable; plural funks)
1.(countable) mental depression
2.(uncountable) A state of fear or panic, especially cowardly

Just haven't felt like doing much. Poor NASA is so tolerant, my kids too. It is starting to pile up around here. This happens every so often. Sometimes more frequently than others. My biggest challenge this time is the chaos of the clothes and laundry. Why does the state of our laundry reflect my moods?

Anywho, I have until April 15th to get the cobwebs out of my motivation and push through. Why April 15th, other than it being tax day (already filed)? It is the day we have some cleaning people coming to Spring clean. I am excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I can't wait to have the place scrubbed floor to ceiling. Not that it hasn't been clean. I say we keep it superficially clean. All the ordinary stuff is washed and scrubbed on a relatively consistent basis, but not the deep clean. We don't wipe off baseboards or get to walls or windows very often, like sometimes never. The thing is that I have to get the laundry under control to really get the upstairs to benefit from this Spring cleaning.

At least upstairs isn't as bad as it was before.

What it looked like one year ago in 2012.

Darn, I should have taken after pictures. It did look better for 11 months. Especially since the boxes are gone. Now that I look at the actual pictures again from last year. It isn't as different as I would like it to be this year. Those darn clothes are back to haunt me. Right now there are 3 hampers full of clothes, 2 laundry baskets and a dryer full of clean clothes. The washer has a load of towels in it waiting to dry. Obviously they will need washed again. Then there are 2 storage containers of summer and winter clothes. This time of year where we have to transition from winter to summer clothes does not help at all. Clearly this time of year is a real stumbling block for me when it comes to laundry. How interesting that my Hoarders post was almost exactly 1 year ago, uncanny.

Of course my laundry issue is just a symptom. I have a long list of things I haven't done. My blogs are so neglected. Well, the funk lifted last year and I got back on track, so here is looking forward to the funk ending soon! YEAH! Last year the funk ended with a big huge kerplunk. I got so ambitious I started a new blog, RU Ready to Craft, a new facebook page, started Pinterest and got more connected on Twitter. This year when it lifts I will be sure to just pick up where I left off instead of starting anything new. Well, actually I am working on a new homeschool project, but that is different, right. Anywho, off to read or do something other than what I need to do. 

© 2013 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

My Regrets Are Not Few

If you ever asked me, "What are you thinking?" and I answered, "nothing", I was lying. I am always thinking about something. I know it is why I have a hard time falling asleep. When my oldest daughter, Hey, told me at age 4 that she couldn't shut off her brain, I sympathized. I know exactly how that feels. However, I couldn't relate to what the heck would keep her brain buzzing late into the night. What does a 3 year old think about that can keep them awake?

I guess that is the price one pays for having a busy analytical mind. Many times I think we struggle in our relationship because we are very much alike. I suspect that like me, she reviews her day, thinks about how she could have done things differently and what the next day could hold.

My 7 1/2 years old Hey.

We both are stubborn and willful.  My mother says I was a better behaved little girl, but I think that was from fear of my father. My children don't have that threat in their minds. Other than her explosiveness, I see many of Hey's behavior and think that is how I felt when I was young. I remember the hate I felt for my parents. If left unchecked, I know Hey would become as much of a procrastinator and perfectionist as I am today. One motto we have now in our home: "Only God is perfect." That motto has served my children well.

There are so many things to think about. I spend way to much time second guessing the things that I say or do. I purposely try and stay away from anything that I did before my marriage. The choices I made as a teenager were reckless and stupid. It is a wonder I am alive today, not even considering my congenital heart defect. I say, "Thank you God I got married when I was 23 years old." Otherwise my list of regrets might have been longer. Many times I wish there weren't other people involved in those experiences or character building events. I created way to much drama in my teen years.

I think it all started in 7th grade when I cleaned out a friends locker since she was out sick. I knew the combination to her locker and was going to be able to get her things to her. I found a notebook of correspondence between her and another friend. They had written to each other as if it were a diary. 1st mistake, I read it. 2nd mistake, I talked about it with, who I thought, was a trusted friend in our social circle. The trusted friend turned out to be a social piranha. She used the incident to create my demise in the social community of 7th grade. I was no longer part of the in crowd. In fact, nasty gossip started being spread about me. What was ironic was that the owner of the locker had forgiven me and was over it.

My poor choices only got worse as I started 8th grade and all my friends had changed. I was an honor roll student every quarter in 7th grade since it was a point of competition in my old social circle. In 8th grade I didn't care. My new group of friends didn't care either. We spent most of our time figuring out how to party like our older high school siblings.

Myself, 22 years old, with NASA before marriage.

I do know that my parents were smart in taking me out of that public school system and sending me to a private high school. I had to start over with new school friends and that made a big difference.

So why does this matter now? Well, I am the mother of two beautiful girls. As I said, my oldest, Hey, reminds me of myself in some ways. I realize she is only 7 1/2 years old, but all our interactions and her learning are cumulative. She is only 5 years away from when my world radically changed and my poor choices had residual effects. I don't want my daughters to have the emotional baggage I brought into my marriage.

I wonder, is there anything my Mom could have done to help? Is there some experience or conversation that would have helped me make better choices starting at the age of 13? What ground work do I need to do now that will keep my daughter from making poor choices? I spend a great deal of time examining my role in her life as her mother. I know I am over critical of my parenting, but I can't help it.  I have started to tell her how much I think about how I am her mother and what I could do better. I tell her when I am wrong or have made a mistake.

Wow, after reading this several times to edit it I realize what I need to change. It is to much about me! I need to change my focus. It needs to be all about God. I have to show my daughter how the Lord directs my life now. 

I believe I was on the path to where I am today. I just think that between the ages of 13 to 22, I took a huge detour. I believe if my faith was firmly grounded in God's Word much younger many of my regrets would not have occurred. Once I did start listening to the Lord He did miracles in my life. He has healed me in many ways, not just physically.

I can only hope that my talking to her and being honest will allow her to trust God and what He would have for her. As a family we talk about our values and faith. I pray that with all of that and sharing God's Word, once she is an adult, she will have few regrets.

Writing this was very helpful. The best thing I can do is continue to keep God in the center of my life. I now know that will be the best thing I can do for her and her sister.

"And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7


© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

National Adoption Day is Close to My Heart

Today is National Adoption Day. It is a great day for the world to recognize the beauty of adoption. Adoption is the gift of bringing love into a life. Personally I don’t feel there is any better day to celebrate in the world than Adoption Day. It is all over Facebook. It is the best media method of spreading the message of the gift of adoption. 

We started our journey when we became foster parents in September of 2005. The adoption of our two gorgeous sibling daughters was final April 9, 2007. It has been an incredible journey in parenthood.

Hey and Myrrh's Adoption, April 9, 2005

Both girls come with their own needs and personalities. You can tell they are siblings because of their needs, but are also very unique in the joy they have for life. The food allergies and learning abilities clearly indicate they are siblings. It hasn’t been an easy path, which in perspective isn’t that far off than the challenges of many parents.  Children in general bring a whole new world to your view.

If it weren’t for my creative daughters I never would have started a craft blog. They have created so many firsts in my life. Hey and Myrrh have molded me into the person I am today. We truly are a family enriched by the experience of each other.



Myrrh on her 6th Birthday

Myrrh is my tender-heart animal obsessed child with a strange interest in the Weird, True and Freaky oddities of life.

 

Hey is my impulsive defensive hearted child who wants to know everything there is to know about life, but not necessarily direct from me.

Hey with her Halloween Bear.

Both are the ultimate gifts God has given me, well, other than offering me Salvation. I see how wonderfully and beautifully made God’s creation is all around us through learning with my children.

I knew God called me to serve Him through being a foster/adoptive parent when I was a teenager. He knew I needed the benefit of seeing His grace through the eyes of a child. I have been richly blessed only because He decided I was good enough. Despite my doubts, God decided I was to parent these girls. I have to remind myself daily that He chose me. It is an awesome responsibility. I pray each day that I am worthy of the journey.

 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…" James 1:27 (NIV)  

If you have a heart to assist in meeting the needs of children who don’t have the benefits of a forever family, you can check out information on The James Fund.

“There are many ways you can get involved: pray, give, mobilize your church, or adopt. Once you decide on the path that’s right for you, seek out organizations who offer guidance and support. Your journey will change you (and the orphan and the widow) forever.”



© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Listening to God - We Are Staying

My last post raised some good questions that I wanted to address.

After much prayer and reflection we know we are supposed to be here in Tucson now. We moved here for many reasons, most importantly because God wanted us here.  Our family has experienced such huge miracles and blessings that we try to work out all things for His glory. Oddly enough, we are confident we are in His will when others tell us we are crazy, shouldn't do something or it doesn't make sense to them.

It makes more sense to move where NASA can have a job. However, it isn't what God wants us to do right now.

Why don’t I return to work? It wouldn’t solve the issue of my husband needing to work. He is a goal oriented person with a work ethic making it hard for him to accept retirement at the age of 41. He is volunteering his time each week, but it isn’t enough for him. Plus, I have grown to enjoy being home and available to my children. Early on, we agreed that I was the one to stay home for the children. 

I have my own employment challenges too. I have a Masters degree and have been out of my field of human resources for 5 years. I would have to return to work full-time.  There are few and far between part-time positions in human resources. I would prefer not to choose work over my children.  Most human resources professionals do not want to supervise someone with 15 years of experience and degrees. I am over educated and lack recent work history.  I respect women who work or return to work after having children. It is a huge balancing act of work and family. I tried it in March of 2008, it wasn't for me. It stressed me out and I missed my girls. 

Then there is bringing the girls back to homeschooling. It was always the goal to make sure they got the attention and instruction they needed to be successful.

Having them in school has been a huge learning experience. I volunteer in their classrooms and see what outside education has done for children. There are second graders who struggle to read. Smart kids who when I sat and read with a small group, they didn't even know how to try and sound out the words. I could see their frustration. I know our local public school is not a long term strategy for us.

Our loan modification came through, finally. With the guidance of a HUD counselor we started the process back in February. In July the bank agreed to let us enter into a 6 month 'trail' modification period, resulting in a lower monthly payment. If we could successfully complete the trial period they would modify our loan. There were no terms for our modification laid out. We had no clue what the end result would be. Although we were only 2 months into our trial period, the bank sent us paperwork to permanently modify the loan. They offered us a lower interest rate. Instead of the 6.25% we were paying, it was modified down to 3.75%. All the terms remained the same, 25 years left on the loan and same remaining principle.  Essentially we got a refinance without any closing costs lowering our monthly payment to be more affordable. We closed this week on the modified loan.

We are selling all the excess things we have accumulated over the last 20 years. Using the money to fund some changes we want to make in the house.

The first big step to show our commitment to sticking it out here was selling all our moving boxes. We have started hanging pictures on the walls. Soon we will be replacing the flooring in our living room, building storage in the garage and putting the drapes/curtains up. We will make this our home again. It feels good and we know it is what is right now.

2 John 6 (NIV) And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in his love.

Soon we will address the best direction for our girls schooling. One thing at a time.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Will We Stay Or Will We Go?

Over the last few weeks I haven’t written. I am at a loss as to where to start, what direction to take my writing or attempt to sum up my emotions. There is so much going on, but yet nothing seems to be going anywhere.

There was a job here in Tucson for my husband, NASA, that seemed perfect. It seemed to line up with his analytical strengths and enjoyment of teaching. We both thought it would be the answer to prayer. He had two written contingent job offers if that specific company received the contract. A few days ago he found out that a company he was not connected to won the contract. The perfect job disappeared. We had put the job out there as a test to whether we should keep trying to stay in Arizona, or move on.

Then NASA got a call from the company who won the contract. They wanted to talk to him. They sent him an application to fill out. It looked like the job may come through after all.  Alas, it was not to be. The original candidate changed his mind and decided to take less money to stay in the job. This back and forth did not help our spirits.



My Hero, retired Captain NASA

NASA has been seeking employment since January. As of March 1^st he was officially retired from the U.S. Air Force. He has diligently applied to everything he is remotely qualified. He even tried the $12/hour manual labor route, got an interview, but can’t get hired because he is overqualified. He spent 20 years as one of the best weather forecasters protecting billions of dollars in military assets. He brought Google Earth to the weather field and taught them how to exploit its integration into forecasts. However, there isn’t much call for a meteorologist who doesn’t have math courses like calculus or higher as a part of his BS degree in Professional Aeronautics. A meteorologist who doesn’t know computer programming and doesn’t have the confidence or coordination to work in front of a green screen on television is limited too. The 2 weather technician jobs he applied for and interviewed for paid less than what the cost of living in the area would require, like San Diego.

We aren’t quite sure what to do. We have a rental home in Vegas that will be empty in November. Our housing costs would be $425/month less to live there and wait on the Lord.  

So, I just ask for your prayers that somehow our path will be made clear and God will open the door wide for us to step through and continue to be obedient to Him. Thanks.

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

There are many great articles to encourage us in our waiting, these two are favorites.

Waiting on the Lord. A study by J. Hampton Keathley, III

This one was sent to me by a friend, so I knew I needed it. The Faithfulness of God by Chuck Smith.

I drafted this post yesterday. Today I am posting it and wanted to share that we now have an answer. We are staying. The only thing that changed was our perspective. God works in interesting ways. I will explain another day.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

First Day of School

I am back. It is bittersweet. I took Hey and Myrrh to school today, public school, shocking I know. I was led to homeschooling while living in Vegas. Now, we are playing it by ear, literally.  We are closely listening to what the teachers say about the girls academic skills and special needs. There is a curriculum meeting coming up for the parents. I will definitely be there. I plan on volunteering in the classroom to see how things are first hand.

Hey's counselor strongly suggested we keep Hey in school. The girls physical therapist suggested we seek an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for them both and see if we can establish services for their needs. Their developmental pediatrician told us to seek services whatever way we thought was best. We weighed the opinions of these three professionals and our own experience. The best way to get services is to have your child in public school. It isn't the only way, but the easiest and fastest.

We live in a small school district that is a tight knit community. It is the best school district in the State of Arizona. I already have received an e-mail and a phone call from the school district communicating what to expect for the start of school.

Plus, there is the issues that Hey refuses to learn from me. My thought is that Hey will be in some school at least until all her skills are at the 3rd grade level. Many Christian online courses and the programs I would consider don't start until 3rd grade.

It broke my heart to drop off Myrrh today at 1st grade. She has asked me in the past to always homeschool her. She listens and learns from me, but struggles with many skills she needs at her age. We really need to see if we can get the school to provide the OT for her motor skills. She potentially needs Speech too. I am not sure the school will see it that way since it superficially seems to be an enunciation issue. We shall see.

Myrrh did benefit from meeting her teacher and seeing her classroom last week. Once she saw that it was a fascinating classroom she wanted to give it a try. Her teacher seemed very nice. She remembered her this morning too. I just pray that Myrrh's tender heart doesn't get wounded. She is so sensitive to what others think. Hey is sensitive too, but she keeps her heart well guarded.

Yes, I am justifying why we are sending our girls to the local elementary school in our neighborhood. Although NASA and I have a peace about it, we want others to know it wasn't an easy decision. One goal is that as soon as NASA has a job and we have an IEP for Hey, we will start shopping faith based schools that can accomodate her needs.

In the meantime, I have to watch that I don't waste this school time alone. I have many projects I haven't had time to do and this is a great opportunity to do them.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Busy Trying to Bond

We have less than two weeks before Hey starts school. Wow, the summer flew by. She was out of school for 7 weeks. Somedays it seemed to drag on, others flew by. I am trying to learn to spend more focused positive attention with her, but it isn't easy. I don't have much in common with Hey. She likes details about things, the science, how things work and the why of everything. I could care less about things and the science of it. I only want to know about it, find its worth, buy it for less and own it. As long as it works I don't care why or how.

Other than crafts there are not many things we do together. We can watch tv together, but I don't think that counts. We are not comfortable cuddling on the couch for more than 2 minutes. She is restless, fidgets constantly and digs her bones into my flesh. I like to read to her, but she gets bored with that quickly. She is the same with games. I don't know what to do or how to relate to this child other than crafts?



Doing a fun dollar store craft together.

Hey loves physical activity like biking, running around, and anything that involves movement. That isn't my strength. Being outside is not comfortable for me. I can't stand being outside in the hot sun more than 10 minutes at a time. Between my skin and my allergies, I just consider myself allergic to being outside. I endure going to the park with my children purely for their sake and sanity in our home. However, the park is out anytime it is windy or over 95 degrees, so that is about 6 months out of the year. Thank goodness NASA is an outdoorsman!

Hey sees how much easier it is for Myrrh and I to spend time together. It is effortless. We can cuddle, play in Myrrh's imaginary world of animals, go shopping without buying anything, read a ton of books, and just talk. Well, Myrrh does most of the talking, I try and keep up with listening. Hey is smart she sees the difference in our relationships. She translates that to my loving her less. It breaks my heart to know she doesn't feel loved sometimes. How do parents handle it between siblings with different personalities? I only have two different children. I can't imagine, 3 or more.

I am afraid that school won't help us relate more either. Praying that somehow I can find ways to let Hey know that I value her, she is loved and worth receiving my positive attention.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Raising a Challenging Child

I have thought about this post for way to long. It is time to just get it out there. Many children, like my daughter Hey, with challenging behavior, can tell you all about the rules and why their behavior was inappropriate, but this knowledge doesn’t help them. My beautiful daughter was diagnosed at 3 yrs. old with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well as several developmental disorders issues and learning disabilities abilities. With professional help, we are still trying to figure out if Hey's behavior is still RAD related or something different.
Hey had a very hard start in this world when her biological parents were homeless, drug users and not emotionally able to handle a newborn. More than likely Hey has a problem with impulse control not only from inherited disabilities abilities, but also because of her prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, severe neglect, as well as damage to her frontal lobe, which controls inhibitions and judgment.

If you are interested in the difference in neurological development of traumatized children, Dr. Bruce Perry has done some great research and has published a great book, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing.



When we adopted Hey at 22 months old, we were told she seemed to be well bonded to us since she made great eye contact and was so well behaved in preschool. The problem is Hey’s behavior with us at home where she can relax and be herself. She shows no respect for our authority and always pushes to the limits. She overreacts to minor things and shows little to no reaction to what you may think is hurtful or traumatic. She is a drama queen most of the time.

As parents who strive to be the best, we have been trained and practice parenting models: 1, 2, 3 Magic and Love & Logic. Chances of it actually working go out the window most of the time, when you have a child with impulse control issues. When you can’t find the one thing to help her make better choices, it takes an incredible amount of patience. She has no toys in her room. Many times she decides that loosing privileges, things or going places are not as important as her being in control and getting what she wants.

Temper Tantrum of Challenging Child

How do you teach a child impulse control? I read a nice blog on how to practice self control in order for a young child to learn it. http://simple-gifts.blogspot.com/2010/04/helping-children-learn-impulse-control.html  It sounds great, but I think that is the best way to teach a somewhat regular child. Hey’s rage, aggression and outbursts are far from normal at home. The worst is after a day where she has been at school, hanging with friends or being out in public. She seems to be okay and holding it together, then when she is relaxed and comfortable, Hey lets it all out. The poor behavior and choices when exhausted can be common for many children, but I cannot stress the degree she takes it up to. Unless you live with a raging child, you don’t truly know. I have found the people who understand best are parents with RAD or autistic children. Interesting enough all of the developmental disorders issues and learning disabilities my daughter has are on the autism spectrum. Yet, she is not autistic. 

We are told to rehearse scenarios, practice difficult situations and predict triggers. It can be exhausting trying to figure out how to prevent the outbursts, temper tantrums, rage, and consequences of a bad decision. It doesn’t help when you are in public and Hey doesn’t realize other people can hear and see her.  People look at you as if you are the reason for your child’s poor behavior. I understand; I used to think the same thing before I had children. My mother and I were at a mall in Vegas once where I had to put Hey over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes to take her to the car to leave. We were a long walk from the car and at the age of 5 Hey was 50 inches tall and weighed more than 50 lbs. She was kicking, screaming, shouting about what a horrible person I was and other mean things kids say when they have been told ‘No’.  I think people thought I might be abducting her, but I kept saying out loud, “I said no, I am your mother and I love you no matter how bad you act.”

Then there are Hey’s trust issues. How do you get a child to trust you, especially when the child’s brain is wired to not trust and has impulse control issues? 

Hey doesn’t believe what I tell her. She tests whatever I say. For example, while looking at her Cinderella snow globe she asked me if it was water that allows the sparkles/glitter float in it. I told her, off the top of my head, it was probably some sort of water like liquid that probably had some chemical in it to suspend the particles in it better than just water alone. She asked if I was sure it wasn’t just water. I told her I was sure and since we can’t open it up to check I could google it to verify, but first I had to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the room the Cinderella snow globe was broken open on the carpet. She said it was an accident that it slipped and that indeed it was not just water because it did not taste or smell like water.

Hey being herself at home.

 She is like a teenager or adult with trust issues. She never can take your word for something. She has to check and verify. When I warned her to stay away from the hot curling iron, she touches it ‘by accident’. She has done that twice. She has burned her hand on the stove twice too. She has run into traffic as well. If I say “stop”, unless she can see the danger for herself, she won’t listen. This can be annoying in an adult (I do it myself sometimes), can you imagine it in a 7 year old?

After 16 sessions with her new therapist here in Tucson, her therapist asked me if she is always so condescending. I thought, “It took only 16 sessions to let her guard down, does that mean she is getting better?” 

This is the summer of discovering our children’s gifts and talents so that we know where to invest our time and effort for extracurricular activities for the school year. This past week Hey was in theater workshops for the week. She spent 4 hours each day learning how to be an actor in a live theater production. Clearly her ability to hold it together and knowing how to act in public is becoming her talent. She had her lines for the play memorized by the second day. She projected her voice during the performance like a real pro. She made some better choices when we told her attending her acting workshops each day were optional. We may have found the thing that has meaning to her. She may never be famous, but if it helps her channel her inner Drama Queen, I will do what we can to continue to foster her talent.

I am thankful for Hey being in our family. She has made me a better parent, learning that I need to trust other people more, stop being so selfish and still need to move away from serving my own self interest and instead serve others. I am reminded that God decided we were good enough to be Hey’s parents. He allowed us to adopt her into our family just as He adopted me, a greatly flawed individual, into His kingdom. I am humbled and reminded daily of the forgiveness God gives me for my sins. I can only hope and pray that Hey grows to trust God as she has taught us to trust Him.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Can't Go Out and Play

I just spent the time my children were in Vacation Bible School (VBS) cleaning out their rooms of any remnants of toys. They didn’t have much since they only would clean up the ones they wanted to keep. It was enough to keep them happy and busy.

Bedroom before the clean out.

Well, now those are all gone too. That is what happens if you choose to leave your socks, shoes and toys in my living room and talk back with disrespect. After you have gone to bed, things will disappear. This had been going on for years since my husband and I did a parenting class in Love and Logic. 

The way I like my living room to look before bedtime.

Lately, my oldest daughter, Hey, has decided there is nothing she can lose that will make her decide to clean anything up. When we would get to this point in the past she would miss out on the opportunity to go to a birthday party, swimming, shopping , movie, a craft, video games, or go to a friend’s house. After a time or two of missing out on those things, she would improve for weeks. I’m not a real stickler about their rooms being clean either. I do require that there be a path to get to their bed so we can read to them, sing and pray together at bedtime. I request that the toys be picked up if they don’t want them to get stepped on. If they choose not to then they take the risk of it being broken. It seems her and her sister needed a reminder about the living room being a clean zone before bedtime.

Right now the girls are going to VBS and having Hey stay home was not a choice I was willing to offer. She is only gone from 8:30 AM to noon, so that is just enough time for me to recharge for the test rest of the day.

Bedroom after the clean out.

Let’s see if the missing toys will help the children get better attitudes. Myrrh still has a few stuffed animals. Hey does have her pillow pets. All their books and educational items are left. I am wondering if just having those items will still give them a respect for making better choices. They will still have access to the craft room. We shall see how it plays out. I am confident it will work for Myrrh since all of her horses are gone. Myrrh will be asking right away what she can do to earn things back. Hey cares much less about things.

I guess if it comes down to it, if Hey can’t pull it together, then I can suck it up and stay home with her a day doing nothing. So for now, Hey cannot go out and play. Maybe the next day though.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before…

I really would like to know that products are being discontinued before I run out of them. This has been a long running issue in my life. I get set on something that works well and makes my life easier, then BAM it is off the market. I remember the first time it happened, it was very traumatic. The lipstick, it didn’t dry my lips out, make them peel or wear off to fast. Next it was my favorite bra. I did find another bra and when it was discontinued I was able to go online and buy a dozen in two different sizes, but that was 10 years ago. I did the same thing when my favorite underwear disappeared from the stores. I am down to my last few and they are getting worn out. I have others, but they just are not as good or worthy of future purchasing.

Look the pillowcase matches the shower curtain below.

There have been shower curtains, rugs and sheet sets that wear out before the coordinating soap dish, toothbrush holder, bedspread and curtains. Thank goodness that went out of style.

Evidence of the 90's bathroom decor and my daughter caught in the act of playing with my favorite foundation primer.

My dermatologist got me hooked on recommendations and now I have to change, same thing with my hairdresser. There were facial cleansers, moisturizers, shampoos, conditioners, mousse, sculpting gel, foundation and primer too, just gone. Once I find a product I am not allergic to and works great, I become a loyal consumer. It doesn’t matter if they are economy products or luxury brands, everything at some point is reformulated or discontinued. If I had unlimited resources, well if it didn’t expire too, I would buy a warehouse full of the things I love. Shhhh, I have been known to use products beyond the listed expiration date.

It is the same with some television shows I watched the first season or more, and it gets canceled. If I had known there wouldn’t be closure or a tidy ending I never would have started watching it. It is okay to take shows off the air if the show ties up loose ends. Otherwise conclusion episodes for cancelled shows should be mandatory and written into the contract with the network.

Change happens in life, but some changes just seem ridiculous and create way to much unnecessary work for adapting.



© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Another Day of Bows

My oldest daughter has been invited to a birthday party of one of her classmates. We don't really have the resources to buy a present that I would feel comfortable giving. I am trying something new. I have until May 19th to see if I can pull it off to my satisfaction. I decided to follow directions and make some corker bows. I didn't realize how time consuming it could be. First I used dowels that were to large so the spirals were to loose. So I used skewers from our grill tools to get a tighter spiral. They worked great, but I only had four of them.

The mail arrived while I was lamenting about my lack of choices. My Mom, Grandma, comes through. She sends us boxes of clothes or supplies I request on a fairly regular basis. She rocks. She sent me 1/4 inch dowels that were perfect. I was able to make more that had the right spiral tightness.

I made some different combinations of the 3/8 inch grosgrain ribbon. It takes 25 minutes in the oven for the wet ribbon to get the twist. Add on twisting it onto the dowel and taking it off then the time to heat seal the ends it is quite the project. I wish I knew some shortcuts. The end results are fairly nice.  I spent 6 hours making 6 bows and 2 hair clips. I would like a better return on my time. I can see why bows like this cost $8-10. If I ever see any for less than $8, then I know they are a real steal since they are so labor intensive.

I do have two favorites that I will have to make again since I will want my daughters to get a chance to wear them. I also think I will look in their closet to see what I can specifically coordinate with a dress or outfit.

Now I have to figure out what to do with all the 5/8 inch ribbon. I will have to watch more You Tube videos. Feel free to make suggestions.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Adoption Day Everyday

Our oldest daughter’s birthday is in June, long after school is out for summer. In her classroom they get to celebrate each child’s birthday when the parent sends in a cake and/or surprises for the whole class. My daughter wanted so desperately to celebrate her birthday with her class. I suggested we celebrate her Adoption Day instead since that is in April. Well that day fell during Spring Break, the day after Easter this year. It didn’t get the fanfare she would have loved. We got busy with appointments and the things of life. She never forgot. Finally we went out to the dollar store and gathered some things for her classmates and got the cupcake liners. We made the cupcakes and it is all ready to go to school. Her adoption celebration with her classmates will be one month after the actual date. I thought I would give her this letter in her book bag to read. I wonder what she will think?

The Original Celebration - April 9, 2007

May 9, 2012

Dear Hey,

I may not have been there to hold you when you were first born, but I wanted to be. God was holding you for me. I may have missed your very first smile, but God saw it. I may have not been able to feed, clothe or comfort you when you needed it, but God brought you through the neglect to be with me. I would have loved to have kept you safe, but know that God did.

Now you are in our family. We received you into our home to feed, clothe and comfort you. I sang and rocked you to sleep. I wanted to hold you all the time. You wanted to explore the world. We watched you smile, walk and play. You came to our home as a foster child. We were a temporary family protecting you until your birth family could figure out what to do. Your birth parents saw how much we cared for you and could keep you safe. They let you go so that we could have you be in our family forever. I wanted to be your Mom. We chose you as our child to be adopted into our family. We chose to bring you along our journey of worshiping and honoring God with our family. I am grateful to God for giving me the privilege of being your Mom. Thank you for being our little girl. We adore you and will always love you as if we were there from the day you were born.

The world officially recognized our choice to adopt you and have you be a part of our family along with your sister on April 9, 2007. No matter what day it maybe today, I celebrate your adoption everyday you are safe with us. Every day is adoption day for us.

Love,

Your Mom

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:13-16 

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Crafting Crocodiles for the Child

I never intended for my blog to be all about arts and crafts. This being my third craft post though doesn't really qualify it as such. Plus, I mostly leave the crafts to friends, especially one great friend who does a fabulous blog that I like. I will say it again, to remind myself, I am not a craft person. I really do not like doing crafts. I have fallen into it because I homeschool my daughter AND want to save money. My youngest daughter loves to do arts and crafts. [My oldest daughter, 6 years old, does too, but she is in a private school for now.] In fact it is the only way I can get her to learn some things. Twice a week I start out the night before or in the morning asking her what art or craft she would like to do. She always picks some sort of animal. Lately it is related to an animal she has interacted with on Sim Animals Africa, or watched on the Wild Kratz or Go, Diego Go. We then Google whatever animal she chooses and look at the images that come up. She picks the craft based on what she likes, supplies we have and if I think we can manage it.

Feeling ambitious today.

Today it was crocodiles, which included looking at alligator crafts. We learned a couple crocodile facts, then I had her practice writing her small “c” and “r” letters. I tried to incorporate some math with measuring out the size of paper, skip counting googly eyes, etc… but she caught on to it and started to zone out on me. Since working on fine motor skills is very important for her abilities I figured that cutting, painting, and applying glue was good enough. Plus, do you realize how much skill it takes to locate two matching googly eyes from a large spaghetti jar full of eyes? You have to match color, size, and features since there are some with colored eyes, pupils, and eyelashes.
The handprint crocodiles were an easy concept, but to make it really cool you have to do Spock’s Vulcan Salute and bend your thumb to your index finger. It is a great motor skill for a little one, let alone an adult.

She painted a paper plate blue too since she thinks we can make a blue alligator out of it. I haven’t decided how we are going to execute that final product yet.

The paper bag crocodiles really are a sign that I am getting a bit more artistic when it comes to creating crafts. I didn’t find a paper bag crocodile craft online. I saw paper towel ones and ones made with little 3 oz. paper cups, but nothing with a paper bag. I am learning you can make almost anything with a paper bag. I figured I would start with the bag and some of my scrapbook paper just like I used for the zebra and lions we did. I love scrapbook paper. It feeds my desire for perfection.

The scrapbook paper I use all the time for our animal crafts.

After I did all the alligator paper on the bag, I envisioned what I needed to do, not knowing if it would really work. I had to use some card stock paper on the inside to make it stronger. I did one staple in the center of the open end of the bag to create the head shape.

Did you know that crocodiles cannot stick out their tongues? We thought that was a cool thing to know so we included a pink tongue inside the paper bag alligator. Personally, I think the finished product came out really well.

I found the clothespin alligators online. They seemed easy, but after painting and 3 hours of crafts, my daughter actually got burnt out.

I wonder what we will do next time. Does anyone know of a curriculum that revolves around just animals or is all arts and crafts based? I would love to find one. I may need to find unit studies on each animal to create my own curriculum that can incorporate arts and crafts. The thing that I found was that there weren’t many animal unit studies that were isolated to one animal. I found unit studies that were of cats, dogs and horses. The rest were more about categories like sea creatures, farm animals, amphibians, reptiles, jungle, etc… She would like very specific animals, like mountain lions.  If anyone knows of a good source or has ideas, please let me know.  

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.