I'm in a Funk! Ya think...

In this case I am going with Etymology #2 as defined by Wictionary.
Noun

funk (countable and uncountable; plural funks)
1.(countable) mental depression
2.(uncountable) A state of fear or panic, especially cowardly

Just haven't felt like doing much. Poor NASA is so tolerant, my kids too. It is starting to pile up around here. This happens every so often. Sometimes more frequently than others. My biggest challenge this time is the chaos of the clothes and laundry. Why does the state of our laundry reflect my moods?

Anywho, I have until April 15th to get the cobwebs out of my motivation and push through. Why April 15th, other than it being tax day (already filed)? It is the day we have some cleaning people coming to Spring clean. I am excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I can't wait to have the place scrubbed floor to ceiling. Not that it hasn't been clean. I say we keep it superficially clean. All the ordinary stuff is washed and scrubbed on a relatively consistent basis, but not the deep clean. We don't wipe off baseboards or get to walls or windows very often, like sometimes never. The thing is that I have to get the laundry under control to really get the upstairs to benefit from this Spring cleaning.

At least upstairs isn't as bad as it was before.

What it looked like one year ago in 2012.

Darn, I should have taken after pictures. It did look better for 11 months. Especially since the boxes are gone. Now that I look at the actual pictures again from last year. It isn't as different as I would like it to be this year. Those darn clothes are back to haunt me. Right now there are 3 hampers full of clothes, 2 laundry baskets and a dryer full of clean clothes. The washer has a load of towels in it waiting to dry. Obviously they will need washed again. Then there are 2 storage containers of summer and winter clothes. This time of year where we have to transition from winter to summer clothes does not help at all. Clearly this time of year is a real stumbling block for me when it comes to laundry. How interesting that my Hoarders post was almost exactly 1 year ago, uncanny.

Of course my laundry issue is just a symptom. I have a long list of things I haven't done. My blogs are so neglected. Well, the funk lifted last year and I got back on track, so here is looking forward to the funk ending soon! YEAH! Last year the funk ended with a big huge kerplunk. I got so ambitious I started a new blog, RU Ready to Craft, a new facebook page, started Pinterest and got more connected on Twitter. This year when it lifts I will be sure to just pick up where I left off instead of starting anything new. Well, actually I am working on a new homeschool project, but that is different, right. Anywho, off to read or do something other than what I need to do. 

© 2013 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

My Regrets Are Not Few

If you ever asked me, "What are you thinking?" and I answered, "nothing", I was lying. I am always thinking about something. I know it is why I have a hard time falling asleep. When my oldest daughter, Hey, told me at age 4 that she couldn't shut off her brain, I sympathized. I know exactly how that feels. However, I couldn't relate to what the heck would keep her brain buzzing late into the night. What does a 3 year old think about that can keep them awake?

I guess that is the price one pays for having a busy analytical mind. Many times I think we struggle in our relationship because we are very much alike. I suspect that like me, she reviews her day, thinks about how she could have done things differently and what the next day could hold.

My 7 1/2 years old Hey.

We both are stubborn and willful.  My mother says I was a better behaved little girl, but I think that was from fear of my father. My children don't have that threat in their minds. Other than her explosiveness, I see many of Hey's behavior and think that is how I felt when I was young. I remember the hate I felt for my parents. If left unchecked, I know Hey would become as much of a procrastinator and perfectionist as I am today. One motto we have now in our home: "Only God is perfect." That motto has served my children well.

There are so many things to think about. I spend way to much time second guessing the things that I say or do. I purposely try and stay away from anything that I did before my marriage. The choices I made as a teenager were reckless and stupid. It is a wonder I am alive today, not even considering my congenital heart defect. I say, "Thank you God I got married when I was 23 years old." Otherwise my list of regrets might have been longer. Many times I wish there weren't other people involved in those experiences or character building events. I created way to much drama in my teen years.

I think it all started in 7th grade when I cleaned out a friends locker since she was out sick. I knew the combination to her locker and was going to be able to get her things to her. I found a notebook of correspondence between her and another friend. They had written to each other as if it were a diary. 1st mistake, I read it. 2nd mistake, I talked about it with, who I thought, was a trusted friend in our social circle. The trusted friend turned out to be a social piranha. She used the incident to create my demise in the social community of 7th grade. I was no longer part of the in crowd. In fact, nasty gossip started being spread about me. What was ironic was that the owner of the locker had forgiven me and was over it.

My poor choices only got worse as I started 8th grade and all my friends had changed. I was an honor roll student every quarter in 7th grade since it was a point of competition in my old social circle. In 8th grade I didn't care. My new group of friends didn't care either. We spent most of our time figuring out how to party like our older high school siblings.

Myself, 22 years old, with NASA before marriage.

I do know that my parents were smart in taking me out of that public school system and sending me to a private high school. I had to start over with new school friends and that made a big difference.

So why does this matter now? Well, I am the mother of two beautiful girls. As I said, my oldest, Hey, reminds me of myself in some ways. I realize she is only 7 1/2 years old, but all our interactions and her learning are cumulative. She is only 5 years away from when my world radically changed and my poor choices had residual effects. I don't want my daughters to have the emotional baggage I brought into my marriage.

I wonder, is there anything my Mom could have done to help? Is there some experience or conversation that would have helped me make better choices starting at the age of 13? What ground work do I need to do now that will keep my daughter from making poor choices? I spend a great deal of time examining my role in her life as her mother. I know I am over critical of my parenting, but I can't help it.  I have started to tell her how much I think about how I am her mother and what I could do better. I tell her when I am wrong or have made a mistake.

Wow, after reading this several times to edit it I realize what I need to change. It is to much about me! I need to change my focus. It needs to be all about God. I have to show my daughter how the Lord directs my life now. 

I believe I was on the path to where I am today. I just think that between the ages of 13 to 22, I took a huge detour. I believe if my faith was firmly grounded in God's Word much younger many of my regrets would not have occurred. Once I did start listening to the Lord He did miracles in my life. He has healed me in many ways, not just physically.

I can only hope that my talking to her and being honest will allow her to trust God and what He would have for her. As a family we talk about our values and faith. I pray that with all of that and sharing God's Word, once she is an adult, she will have few regrets.

Writing this was very helpful. The best thing I can do is continue to keep God in the center of my life. I now know that will be the best thing I can do for her and her sister.

"And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7


© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

National Adoption Day is Close to My Heart

Today is National Adoption Day. It is a great day for the world to recognize the beauty of adoption. Adoption is the gift of bringing love into a life. Personally I don’t feel there is any better day to celebrate in the world than Adoption Day. It is all over Facebook. It is the best media method of spreading the message of the gift of adoption. 

We started our journey when we became foster parents in September of 2005. The adoption of our two gorgeous sibling daughters was final April 9, 2007. It has been an incredible journey in parenthood.

Hey and Myrrh's Adoption, April 9, 2005

Both girls come with their own needs and personalities. You can tell they are siblings because of their needs, but are also very unique in the joy they have for life. The food allergies and learning abilities clearly indicate they are siblings. It hasn’t been an easy path, which in perspective isn’t that far off than the challenges of many parents.  Children in general bring a whole new world to your view.

If it weren’t for my creative daughters I never would have started a craft blog. They have created so many firsts in my life. Hey and Myrrh have molded me into the person I am today. We truly are a family enriched by the experience of each other.



Myrrh on her 6th Birthday

Myrrh is my tender-heart animal obsessed child with a strange interest in the Weird, True and Freaky oddities of life.

 

Hey is my impulsive defensive hearted child who wants to know everything there is to know about life, but not necessarily direct from me.

Hey with her Halloween Bear.

Both are the ultimate gifts God has given me, well, other than offering me Salvation. I see how wonderfully and beautifully made God’s creation is all around us through learning with my children.

I knew God called me to serve Him through being a foster/adoptive parent when I was a teenager. He knew I needed the benefit of seeing His grace through the eyes of a child. I have been richly blessed only because He decided I was good enough. Despite my doubts, God decided I was to parent these girls. I have to remind myself daily that He chose me. It is an awesome responsibility. I pray each day that I am worthy of the journey.

 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…" James 1:27 (NIV)  

If you have a heart to assist in meeting the needs of children who don’t have the benefits of a forever family, you can check out information on The James Fund.

“There are many ways you can get involved: pray, give, mobilize your church, or adopt. Once you decide on the path that’s right for you, seek out organizations who offer guidance and support. Your journey will change you (and the orphan and the widow) forever.”



© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

School Really Is In Full Swing

I have more time to myself these days, but yet I don't seem to get anymore done. Well, some more, but not what I would like. I may just have high expectations.

Days are all structured around the school schedule. I thought bedtime was a pain in the neck in the past, well it hasn't gotten any better. Mornings are now in close competition to bedtime. No matter how early I wake them up, we are always rushing around at the end. We discuss lunch, pick out clothes the night before and backpacks are ready to go. What more could we do? I am considering putting them to bed in their clothes for the next day.

Have you started your school routine yet? Arizona goes back to school early so it is an odd time of year. I always associated school starting after Labor Day. It is still summer, but school has started here. I am finding it hard to reconcile.

Then there is my writer and craft block. All this time seems to have created a total lack of creative thought on my part. I don't even have copy cat in me. I'm hoping it will pass. We have a birthday, Myrrh's, coming so I best get out of my funk soon. I will try to be better at keeping you posted.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Taking a Short Break!

I am trying to be as "Hands Free" as possible this week. I am taking the lead from Hands Free Mama. Her blog has really awakened me to the lost moments of childhood due to my distractions.

Best Mom Blog Ever!

My girls will be starting school on Monday. Once they are in school, it will be hectic, but we will have a set schedule. We work much better with a strict schedule. Although, we spent many weeks of the summer in camps or VBS, there were plenty of days to seek opportunities for fun. I do look forward to a consistent schedule week after week. It will provide better organization, but I will mourn what we didn't have time to do before the start of school.

I will only be online after they are in bed, or before they wake up. That is only enough time to check e-mails and Facebook. I won't be able to blog anytime soon. It will be after July 17th for sure.

Have a great summer break. If you have children or not, enjoy the moments you have with other people. Focus on relationships without distractions.


© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before…

I really would like to know that products are being discontinued before I run out of them. This has been a long running issue in my life. I get set on something that works well and makes my life easier, then BAM it is off the market. I remember the first time it happened, it was very traumatic. The lipstick, it didn’t dry my lips out, make them peel or wear off to fast. Next it was my favorite bra. I did find another bra and when it was discontinued I was able to go online and buy a dozen in two different sizes, but that was 10 years ago. I did the same thing when my favorite underwear disappeared from the stores. I am down to my last few and they are getting worn out. I have others, but they just are not as good or worthy of future purchasing.

Look the pillowcase matches the shower curtain below.

There have been shower curtains, rugs and sheet sets that wear out before the coordinating soap dish, toothbrush holder, bedspread and curtains. Thank goodness that went out of style.

Evidence of the 90's bathroom decor and my daughter caught in the act of playing with my favorite foundation primer.

My dermatologist got me hooked on recommendations and now I have to change, same thing with my hairdresser. There were facial cleansers, moisturizers, shampoos, conditioners, mousse, sculpting gel, foundation and primer too, just gone. Once I find a product I am not allergic to and works great, I become a loyal consumer. It doesn’t matter if they are economy products or luxury brands, everything at some point is reformulated or discontinued. If I had unlimited resources, well if it didn’t expire too, I would buy a warehouse full of the things I love. Shhhh, I have been known to use products beyond the listed expiration date.

It is the same with some television shows I watched the first season or more, and it gets canceled. If I had known there wouldn’t be closure or a tidy ending I never would have started watching it. It is okay to take shows off the air if the show ties up loose ends. Otherwise conclusion episodes for cancelled shows should be mandatory and written into the contract with the network.

Change happens in life, but some changes just seem ridiculous and create way to much unnecessary work for adapting.



© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Crafting Crocodiles for the Child

I never intended for my blog to be all about arts and crafts. This being my third craft post though doesn't really qualify it as such. Plus, I mostly leave the crafts to friends, especially one great friend who does a fabulous blog that I like. I will say it again, to remind myself, I am not a craft person. I really do not like doing crafts. I have fallen into it because I homeschool my daughter AND want to save money. My youngest daughter loves to do arts and crafts. [My oldest daughter, 6 years old, does too, but she is in a private school for now.] In fact it is the only way I can get her to learn some things. Twice a week I start out the night before or in the morning asking her what art or craft she would like to do. She always picks some sort of animal. Lately it is related to an animal she has interacted with on Sim Animals Africa, or watched on the Wild Kratz or Go, Diego Go. We then Google whatever animal she chooses and look at the images that come up. She picks the craft based on what she likes, supplies we have and if I think we can manage it.

Feeling ambitious today.

Today it was crocodiles, which included looking at alligator crafts. We learned a couple crocodile facts, then I had her practice writing her small “c” and “r” letters. I tried to incorporate some math with measuring out the size of paper, skip counting googly eyes, etc… but she caught on to it and started to zone out on me. Since working on fine motor skills is very important for her abilities I figured that cutting, painting, and applying glue was good enough. Plus, do you realize how much skill it takes to locate two matching googly eyes from a large spaghetti jar full of eyes? You have to match color, size, and features since there are some with colored eyes, pupils, and eyelashes.
The handprint crocodiles were an easy concept, but to make it really cool you have to do Spock’s Vulcan Salute and bend your thumb to your index finger. It is a great motor skill for a little one, let alone an adult.

She painted a paper plate blue too since she thinks we can make a blue alligator out of it. I haven’t decided how we are going to execute that final product yet.

The paper bag crocodiles really are a sign that I am getting a bit more artistic when it comes to creating crafts. I didn’t find a paper bag crocodile craft online. I saw paper towel ones and ones made with little 3 oz. paper cups, but nothing with a paper bag. I am learning you can make almost anything with a paper bag. I figured I would start with the bag and some of my scrapbook paper just like I used for the zebra and lions we did. I love scrapbook paper. It feeds my desire for perfection.

The scrapbook paper I use all the time for our animal crafts.

After I did all the alligator paper on the bag, I envisioned what I needed to do, not knowing if it would really work. I had to use some card stock paper on the inside to make it stronger. I did one staple in the center of the open end of the bag to create the head shape.

Did you know that crocodiles cannot stick out their tongues? We thought that was a cool thing to know so we included a pink tongue inside the paper bag alligator. Personally, I think the finished product came out really well.

I found the clothespin alligators online. They seemed easy, but after painting and 3 hours of crafts, my daughter actually got burnt out.

I wonder what we will do next time. Does anyone know of a curriculum that revolves around just animals or is all arts and crafts based? I would love to find one. I may need to find unit studies on each animal to create my own curriculum that can incorporate arts and crafts. The thing that I found was that there weren’t many animal unit studies that were isolated to one animal. I found unit studies that were of cats, dogs and horses. The rest were more about categories like sea creatures, farm animals, amphibians, reptiles, jungle, etc… She would like very specific animals, like mountain lions.  If anyone knows of a good source or has ideas, please let me know.  

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

We Maybe On Hoarders Soon

We still are not moved into this house to the level I would like. In fact when I look at certain areas of our home, I think, “This is how hoarders start.” It usually takes us 3-4 months to move into a place. Back in January I posted that we were 75% there. Well it hasn't changed. You would think that after 14 moves in 20 years we would have it down to a system. We do not. I swear it is more chaos each time because we keep adding people and lots of things each time. The goal is for there not to be a single box in the house that isn’t put away for storage or in a closet serving some purpose. The next goal is for at least one car in the garage, if not both. We usually have both cars parked in the garage by the 1^st year. 


Corner of 1 Bedroom

Today, I conquered more of the kid’s clothes. I swear it is a weekly battle. I put all the winter clothes in storage bins. I put Spring/Summer outfits together for my youngest. Her sense of style and mine are not compatible. She will wear what she likes and the top and bottom don’t have to even come close to resembling a match. It goes against who I am and it is not the one thing I can compromise.  So she can pick whatever outfit she wants out of the vast array of choices matched up in her closet. I have saved all those hangers to make it possible to keep a two piece outfit together. She now has 21 outfits hanging in her closet. I did leave some odd shirts in her dresser drawers along with some very neutral bottoms that could make any combination of ensembles. It didn’t make sense to have empty dresser drawers. Underwear, socks and PJs only take up so much room.

Corner of a 2nd Bedroom

My oldest also has at least 25 different outfits she can coordinate on her own hanging in her closet or in her dresser drawers. I still need to go through all their socks. Although they have 10 inches in height difference, they are only 1 shoe size away from each other. There are still socks in their dresser that they wore 4 shoe sizes ago. I think I will look up what crafts we can do this week with old socks.

I have got to make some time later today for going through all my clothes and shoes. Access to the correct season of clothes and shoes would be an improvement. I really don’t need my fleece in my dresser drawers and boots out front in my closet. I have been hesitating to make the switch because I haven’t found time to get a pedicure. I need a pedicure so I can start wearing my slides and sandals which are still in a box.  I can’t wear capris until I can wear my slides and sandals. It is a ridiculous predicament. The start of Spring for me is a pedicure and I just haven’t found the time to go. I’m thinking it needs to be a priority this week.

How embarrasing. I have some work to do today!

If I get my clothes sorted through along with my dresser and closet cleared out, then I can get rid of more boxes.  Sigh… I must have a serious shopping problem, otherwise how do I accumulate all this stuff? It will be good to purge all my larger sizes too. It will reinforce that I can never go back.

Hopefully the garage won't look like this much longer.

Now, maybe next weekend, before it gets to hot my husband and I can tackle the garage. Speaking of tackle, I need to run up stairs a few more time, I had a Kit Kat last night while watching a movie.

Let Me Get Real - A Weighty Issue

I originally wrote a majority of this message back in November 2011. I didn't post it then because I was scared I couldn't stay the course, but I did.  So here it is with updates.

This past weekend our Pastor at Canyon Ridge, Kevin Odor, went over discipline. Interesting thing is that Pastor Kevin decided to use the metaphor of losing weight to discuss discipline with money.  Oh how I need to hear the message and live it.
 

As you may have read, God healed the hole in my heart after an amazing worship concert with Michael W. Smith at Canyon Ridge. What an awesome blessing this church was in our lives while we were in Las Vegas. We will miss the role it has played in our spiritual growth, but are assured that God will continue to bless us at our next church, Pantano Christian in Tucson, Arizona.

Anywho, back on the subject of weight loss. With the hole in my heart healed I have to focus on getting the rest of my body on the road to healing too.  Despite God’s mighty work with my heart, I am still addicted to food.  I know in my heart that I need to eat less and exercise more. As many of you know, it is easy to say, very difficult to do. 

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.”Proverbs 5:23

I have started my committed journey today, the day after my recovery from a stomach ailment. It is a great jump start since I spent 1 complete day not eating and lost 3 lbs. Of course it wasn’t the best way to start, but you have to start somewhere.  Now I have to figure out how to stick to making better choices. I know what I have to do, but dang, it is a minute by minute struggle. Geez, I almost wish I was addicted to some drug or alcohol that could easily be removed from my home. You can’t stop eating. It doesn’t work for very long. I have gallbladder disease too with at least 1 large gallstones of 2 cm. If I let myself get to hungry or eat to much fat my gallbladder lets me know.  This requires that I eat snacks and low fat meals. That part is easy, it is keeping all the calories from all those meals and snacks below what I need to lose weight.

One of my biggest obstacles to losing weight is the psychology of it all.  I don’t perceive myself as fat until visually presented with it by pictures or by the size of my pants. Although this may sound odd, I do not see my huge self in the mirror.  I didn’t become obese until I was an adult. I didn’t struggle with my weight until my twenties. I graduated high school at 125 lbs. I was 115 lbs. when I met my husband. I then rapidly gained over 50 lbs. over 1 winter in Watertown, NY after being on Norplant (implanted birth control) and experiencing cabin fever due to over 390 inches of snow in one season. I later learned I suffer from Seasonal Affect Disorder. The rest of the weight gradually crept on year after year of inactivity and overeating.

Myself and My Mom in Feb. 2011

My immediate family is obese. My father, 5’ 8” tall, died at the age of 56 over 300 lbs. My brother, 5’ 8” tall, at the age of 42 died weighing at least 400 lbs. My Mom, 5’5” tall, is morbidly obese too. My worst weight, being 5’6” tall, at one time was 258 lbs. really, not over or under exaggerating. It is all about the truth and taking off the masks. I have learned that from Mandisa, a great inspiration to me.

“Buy the truth and do not sell it: get wisdom, discipline and understanding.” Proverbs 23:23

I have so many excuses it is ridiculous. Since birth I became physically ill when I exerted myself. I spent 33 years with a gaping hole in my heart that made me very ill whenever I did aerobic exercise. Can you imagine the obstacle that presents the mind. I still dream and see myself as the healthy weight I was as a young adult. I have spent decades swallowing my emotions. I have a mental illness that requires I take medications, one of which results in weight gain.  I spend hours sitting in front of a computer. I am home most hours of the day homeschooling my two daughters. I suspect one of our daughters has food neophobia so I have to keep some of the few foods (bread, cereal bars, crackers, cheese, peanut butter, and cereal) she will eat in the house. Foods that I like to overeat.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Although moving was stressful and we haven’t fully settled in, I didn’t gain any weight. This is the first move in 15 years where I didn’t gain weight.  I am down 1 pant size and that helps motivate me.  I have a few new wardrobe items left over from lighter days. Not as many as I like, but enough to not have to constantly wear baggy things.

My Mom lost weight this summer and showed up this winter weighing 40 lbs. less. At 70 years old, if she can do it, I best get off my ass and move. I have to confess that with her being within 20 lbs. of me, I have added motivation. Oh, yes, I got Momma Drama issues.

I am looking at some aspects of the 12 step programs, praying constantly and doing a bible study. I am doing some yoga, not enough, and trying not to spend as much time sitting. I still cannot walk much due to back and feet issues, but I do run up and down the stairs here at home. My own really short interval training.

So glad that I kept this blog write up from November and can post it knowing I have made progress. I will continue on this journey to healthy choices. I’d appreciate your prayers, thanks.

Is There a Miracle Move in the Works?

Oh wow, is my procrastination catching up with me now.  We are 6 days away from the movers coming to pack our things in boxes.  I have a refrigerator full of food, mail I haven’t opened, and addresses I haven’t changed. I still have loads of laundry to do before I even attempt to pack our suitcases. I feel a bit queasy thinking about it, or that could be my gallbladder acting up again. There is probably going to be another break in the blogs for a bit until we get settled again.

I wonder, with the miracle of my holy heart being healed do I deserve peace in other aspects of my life. Well, of course I deserve nothing, but do I have the right to ask for something? I mean really having the hole in my heart close is pretty spectacular. Besides my absolutely beautiful daughters that God is allowing us to parent, I’m not sure what else I could really ask for. Peace on this Earth would be cool.

However, I am experiencing some severe turmoil. I am not resting on the Lord. I hate this feeling of not being prepared. Every moment I spend sitting at the computer, reading, shopping, or watching one TV show, I am beating myself up about not sorting through things or organizing things for the move. I also spend too much time thinking about things that don’t matter at the time. Does God have a limited amount of miracles he gives out per person, per family? Why some people and not others?

I am surprised that I have the “Why me?” question for my healing. With all my accidents, misdiagnosis, mental and physical health issues, I never said, “why me.” I was always of the thought, “why not me?” I have a trust and faith in God that carries me through the trying times. For the most part I am a positive person with a good ability to put on a good face (mask). I trusted He knew what He was doing and eventually it would get better. Now that God has healed the hole in my heart I now wonder, “Why me?” There are so many people with cancers, severe pain and anguish that I think would be so more deserving. The men, women and children who do not have any resources or support, why not them? 

What really perplexes me now is how can I ever ask God again for anything? I am having a hard time preparing myself for this move from Vegas to Tucson. How will we bring in income? How will we pay the bills? Will I get my act together quickly enough in Tucson to be able to get Christmas decorations up before Christmas? Will I be able to get my girls the #1 gifts on their Christmas lists despite them being out of stock all over the country? Does it really matter?

I have been avoiding some really necessary tasks. I keep telling myself to cast my cares upon the Lord. I just know that I am not doing that as much as I could. I don’t doubt that I still need Him. Deep breaths…. I just don’t know if it is fair of me to ask, like God has some finite amount of help He hands out. How absurd is that!  Well, I never said it was rational thoughts that I have, random yes, rational, only sometimes. Actually I have obsessive thoughts, analyzing different angles sometimes missing the most obvious. I don't need a miracle to move, just some peace and grace.

In the midst of my philosophical musings, I need to get moving. I will go conquer the laundry. The movers will come even if I am not ready. They will pack dirty clothes, but I have an issues with that so off I go.

God's Amazing Healing Power, REALLY!

It has taken me awhile to write out my complete miracle story, being concise doesn’t come easily for me. I could write a whole book on my life, but I’m not sure anyone would want to read it. Instead I will try to summarize it for this blog. There are many miracles I have experienced in my life. I only have listed some highlights before going over the big miracle.

·        No broken bones or death despite falling off a horse and getting amnesia, being hit by a car while on a bicycle, and several bad car accidents.

·        A simple faith in God that prevented me from following through on suicide despite a serious undiagnosed, at the time, mental illness.

·        Survived many episodes of self medication with excessive drug and alcohol usage. Also, I avoided any accidents or consequences of my DUI. I only became addicted to food, not anything illegal or alcohol despite years of abuse.

·        Receiving Jesus and accepting Him into my heart after fully understanding the salvation plan.  

·        Adopting two beautiful baby girls that share the same biological parents from the foster care system.

·        Surviving 3 major surgeries despite severe allergic reactions to general anesthesia and pain medications.

·        Living to the age of 33 despite a serious congenital heart defect, sinus venosus atrial septal defect (hole between upper chambers of the heart and a vein going in the wrong direction). The hole was > 2.7 cm, slightly larger than a quarter and my heart had enlarged 5 times the normal size of a heart to compensate.

·        After 10 years of complaints to doctors, finally finding one who listened to my symptoms and didn’t explain them away as suffering from obesity or a properly medicated mental illness.

Now I come to the awesome miracle of my latest healing. Please indulge me while I give some history I don’t think I covered my previous blog post.

In 2008, six years after my corrective heart surgery, I had some fatigue. After a transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE), a cardiologist discovered that the hole in my heart had opened. The cells in our bodies have a memory. Mine clearly were duplicating what they had known for 33 years. However, the hole was < .5 cm, smaller than a pencil eraser. My pressure, saturation and oxygenation levels were well within normal.  Many people can live to old age while having a tiny hole in their heart, no worries. In 2010, the hole got bigger. For the most up to date history about the hole in my heart you might want to read about My Almost a Clear Bill of Health for My Holy Heart. 

I had a cardiac MRI done October 24, 2011 at UCLA. I have my official written out results, confirmation of my healing. THE HOLE IS GONE! My MRI shows there is no flow or evidence for right to left shunt. My pulmonary venous connections appear normal. Here is some great medical jargon. There are: No interatrial or interventricular septal discontinuity. No pericardial effusion. Both ventricles show normal contractility throughout with normal myocardial systolic thickening. No focal mural thinning or regional hypokinesia. No delayed myocardial enhancement to suggest myocardial scar or inflammation. The aortic valve is trileaflet with normal opening and coaption, no evidence for dephasing jet. After all that mumbo jumbo, trust me, the report says the hole is gone. Alleluia! It is confirmation of the Lords miracle. “O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You have healed me.” Psalm 30:2

While the doctor went over the results I was thinking of the questions that I had for him. One of which was, “Can I do aerobic exercise now?” The interesting result from the MRI is that from a cardiac standpoint I am healthy and can resume aerobic exercise. However, to get a complete answer to that question, I have to follow up with my primary care physician. It seems that through incidental imaging of the upper abdomen, it demonstrates Cholelithiasis without evidence for biliary obstruction, but at least two gallbladder calculi, the larger measuring 2.0 cm diameter. There are also mild intervertebral disc bulges at T8-T9 and T9-T10 level, as well as, at T12 level, well defined 1 cm rounded cystic structure within the spinal cord. A well-defined high signal structure apparently invaginating the spinal cord at T12 level, with otherwise normal appearances of the cord - although SSFP sequences not optimal for evaluation -, and some lower thoracic disc bulging noted.

I find it amusing that I thought it maybe my heart that would prevent me from doing aerobic exercise, but instead it is my back. Although I don’t accept that it is an excuse. I know there are plenty of people with back problems that exercise successfully for weight loss. I just have to get my doctor to clear me despite what my back may indicate. Now my getting into the doctor before I move maybe the issue since he is so popular in the military community. Maybe there is another miracle waiting for me!

My Frazzled Disconnected Line of Thought Tonight

Sat down to write another blog. I was going to lament about disfiguring skin diseases, but got distracted. I went to Google to verify the spelling of something and off I went on another subject. When did Google become spell check and the dictionary? I digress. I think I am just going to point out why I have a hard time blogging.  I really don't have a direction with this now, but just try to stick with me.

Somewhere in the list of pages that my misspelled word came up with there was an article about a politician. I then found myself reading an article in the Washington Post. A list of top 10 stories caught my eye so then I read about a lawyer who is now a topless dancer. She said she always thought she would never do it, but she is due to the economy effecting the availability of jobs for lawyers. As I was reading I had my Facebook account open and got a ding for a chat. While chatting a friend's blog caught my attention so when my chat was over, I headed over to read a blog. That reminded me that I needed to put the date on my calendar that I need to mail my Mother's Birthday card in order for it to be on time. I help people have progressive birthdays, but I don't think they may see it that way.

Once on my Google calendar I realized I didn't know what park our group is meeting at tomorrow. I went to the Yahoo group web page to check the park location. It is a set event each week on the calendar just the location changes.  On the details of the event it reads: Dieses Ereignis wiederholt sich am dritten Donnerstag jedes Monats. Looks like German to me, but I don't know for sure, so I Google it. I mention it on my Facebook post which engages me in some comments and another chat. Come to find out getting a translation of a phrase is not as easy as you would think. I keep getting asked to download this free program, "Easy Translation is Just A Click Away." Sure that won't be what I will be thinking when I pick up some computer virus, malware, or software that creates conflict on my system. This whole foreign phrase thing is really fascinating to me now. Someone else checked the Yahoo group calendar page I am referring to and they don't see it. So I clicked back to it and it is gone. So was I hallucinating. Is my computer now filled with the Holy Spirit and talking in tongues? How bizarre. We know a family that moved to Germany this summer, the Miller family. My girls loved to go over their house to play and they were members of the same Yahoo group that we would meet at playgrounds. Sigh... I miss the Miller family. That phrase made me think of them immediately. Hmm, said a prayer for the family, maybe it was a sign from God to pray for them? This foreign phrase that displayed on my computer for an internet groups calendar. No one else saw it and I have no clue what it means. It got me to take a moment to pray. The family is on my daily list, but they got extra today! I often find myself praying for people when I am on the computer. Maybe from a story I read, or a picture I see. Another topic to write about someday on top of the other 3 I discovered while typing this.

I think the internet has made me ADD.  I never follow the same line of thought or get to a point. In blogging this entry I have gone back and forth to it like 20 times. Each time struggling to stay on some sort of consistent theme or direction. I think I mislabeled my blog. I should have been the "Distracted Analyst." Anywho, I dislike not knowing something. Now it is past midnight, I started writing this at 10 PM, and I have to get to bed. This is my life, fits and starts, distractions, and then a mystery to keep me awake. Good night.

Oh hey, let me know if you can translate:  Dieses Ereignis wiederholt sich am dritten Donnerstag jedes Monats.