Let Me Get Real - A Weighty Issue

I originally wrote a majority of this message back in November 2011. I didn't post it then because I was scared I couldn't stay the course, but I did.  So here it is with updates.

This past weekend our Pastor at Canyon Ridge, Kevin Odor, went over discipline. Interesting thing is that Pastor Kevin decided to use the metaphor of losing weight to discuss discipline with money.  Oh how I need to hear the message and live it.
 

As you may have read, God healed the hole in my heart after an amazing worship concert with Michael W. Smith at Canyon Ridge. What an awesome blessing this church was in our lives while we were in Las Vegas. We will miss the role it has played in our spiritual growth, but are assured that God will continue to bless us at our next church, Pantano Christian in Tucson, Arizona.

Anywho, back on the subject of weight loss. With the hole in my heart healed I have to focus on getting the rest of my body on the road to healing too.  Despite God’s mighty work with my heart, I am still addicted to food.  I know in my heart that I need to eat less and exercise more. As many of you know, it is easy to say, very difficult to do. 

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.”Proverbs 5:23

I have started my committed journey today, the day after my recovery from a stomach ailment. It is a great jump start since I spent 1 complete day not eating and lost 3 lbs. Of course it wasn’t the best way to start, but you have to start somewhere.  Now I have to figure out how to stick to making better choices. I know what I have to do, but dang, it is a minute by minute struggle. Geez, I almost wish I was addicted to some drug or alcohol that could easily be removed from my home. You can’t stop eating. It doesn’t work for very long. I have gallbladder disease too with at least 1 large gallstones of 2 cm. If I let myself get to hungry or eat to much fat my gallbladder lets me know.  This requires that I eat snacks and low fat meals. That part is easy, it is keeping all the calories from all those meals and snacks below what I need to lose weight.

One of my biggest obstacles to losing weight is the psychology of it all.  I don’t perceive myself as fat until visually presented with it by pictures or by the size of my pants. Although this may sound odd, I do not see my huge self in the mirror.  I didn’t become obese until I was an adult. I didn’t struggle with my weight until my twenties. I graduated high school at 125 lbs. I was 115 lbs. when I met my husband. I then rapidly gained over 50 lbs. over 1 winter in Watertown, NY after being on Norplant (implanted birth control) and experiencing cabin fever due to over 390 inches of snow in one season. I later learned I suffer from Seasonal Affect Disorder. The rest of the weight gradually crept on year after year of inactivity and overeating.

Myself and My Mom in Feb. 2011

My immediate family is obese. My father, 5’ 8” tall, died at the age of 56 over 300 lbs. My brother, 5’ 8” tall, at the age of 42 died weighing at least 400 lbs. My Mom, 5’5” tall, is morbidly obese too. My worst weight, being 5’6” tall, at one time was 258 lbs. really, not over or under exaggerating. It is all about the truth and taking off the masks. I have learned that from Mandisa, a great inspiration to me.

“Buy the truth and do not sell it: get wisdom, discipline and understanding.” Proverbs 23:23

I have so many excuses it is ridiculous. Since birth I became physically ill when I exerted myself. I spent 33 years with a gaping hole in my heart that made me very ill whenever I did aerobic exercise. Can you imagine the obstacle that presents the mind. I still dream and see myself as the healthy weight I was as a young adult. I have spent decades swallowing my emotions. I have a mental illness that requires I take medications, one of which results in weight gain.  I spend hours sitting in front of a computer. I am home most hours of the day homeschooling my two daughters. I suspect one of our daughters has food neophobia so I have to keep some of the few foods (bread, cereal bars, crackers, cheese, peanut butter, and cereal) she will eat in the house. Foods that I like to overeat.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Although moving was stressful and we haven’t fully settled in, I didn’t gain any weight. This is the first move in 15 years where I didn’t gain weight.  I am down 1 pant size and that helps motivate me.  I have a few new wardrobe items left over from lighter days. Not as many as I like, but enough to not have to constantly wear baggy things.

My Mom lost weight this summer and showed up this winter weighing 40 lbs. less. At 70 years old, if she can do it, I best get off my ass and move. I have to confess that with her being within 20 lbs. of me, I have added motivation. Oh, yes, I got Momma Drama issues.

I am looking at some aspects of the 12 step programs, praying constantly and doing a bible study. I am doing some yoga, not enough, and trying not to spend as much time sitting. I still cannot walk much due to back and feet issues, but I do run up and down the stairs here at home. My own really short interval training.

So glad that I kept this blog write up from November and can post it knowing I have made progress. I will continue on this journey to healthy choices. I’d appreciate your prayers, thanks.

God's Amazing Healing Power, REALLY!

It has taken me awhile to write out my complete miracle story, being concise doesn’t come easily for me. I could write a whole book on my life, but I’m not sure anyone would want to read it. Instead I will try to summarize it for this blog. There are many miracles I have experienced in my life. I only have listed some highlights before going over the big miracle.

·        No broken bones or death despite falling off a horse and getting amnesia, being hit by a car while on a bicycle, and several bad car accidents.

·        A simple faith in God that prevented me from following through on suicide despite a serious undiagnosed, at the time, mental illness.

·        Survived many episodes of self medication with excessive drug and alcohol usage. Also, I avoided any accidents or consequences of my DUI. I only became addicted to food, not anything illegal or alcohol despite years of abuse.

·        Receiving Jesus and accepting Him into my heart after fully understanding the salvation plan.  

·        Adopting two beautiful baby girls that share the same biological parents from the foster care system.

·        Surviving 3 major surgeries despite severe allergic reactions to general anesthesia and pain medications.

·        Living to the age of 33 despite a serious congenital heart defect, sinus venosus atrial septal defect (hole between upper chambers of the heart and a vein going in the wrong direction). The hole was > 2.7 cm, slightly larger than a quarter and my heart had enlarged 5 times the normal size of a heart to compensate.

·        After 10 years of complaints to doctors, finally finding one who listened to my symptoms and didn’t explain them away as suffering from obesity or a properly medicated mental illness.

Now I come to the awesome miracle of my latest healing. Please indulge me while I give some history I don’t think I covered my previous blog post.

In 2008, six years after my corrective heart surgery, I had some fatigue. After a transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE), a cardiologist discovered that the hole in my heart had opened. The cells in our bodies have a memory. Mine clearly were duplicating what they had known for 33 years. However, the hole was < .5 cm, smaller than a pencil eraser. My pressure, saturation and oxygenation levels were well within normal.  Many people can live to old age while having a tiny hole in their heart, no worries. In 2010, the hole got bigger. For the most up to date history about the hole in my heart you might want to read about My Almost a Clear Bill of Health for My Holy Heart. 

I had a cardiac MRI done October 24, 2011 at UCLA. I have my official written out results, confirmation of my healing. THE HOLE IS GONE! My MRI shows there is no flow or evidence for right to left shunt. My pulmonary venous connections appear normal. Here is some great medical jargon. There are: No interatrial or interventricular septal discontinuity. No pericardial effusion. Both ventricles show normal contractility throughout with normal myocardial systolic thickening. No focal mural thinning or regional hypokinesia. No delayed myocardial enhancement to suggest myocardial scar or inflammation. The aortic valve is trileaflet with normal opening and coaption, no evidence for dephasing jet. After all that mumbo jumbo, trust me, the report says the hole is gone. Alleluia! It is confirmation of the Lords miracle. “O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You have healed me.” Psalm 30:2

While the doctor went over the results I was thinking of the questions that I had for him. One of which was, “Can I do aerobic exercise now?” The interesting result from the MRI is that from a cardiac standpoint I am healthy and can resume aerobic exercise. However, to get a complete answer to that question, I have to follow up with my primary care physician. It seems that through incidental imaging of the upper abdomen, it demonstrates Cholelithiasis without evidence for biliary obstruction, but at least two gallbladder calculi, the larger measuring 2.0 cm diameter. There are also mild intervertebral disc bulges at T8-T9 and T9-T10 level, as well as, at T12 level, well defined 1 cm rounded cystic structure within the spinal cord. A well-defined high signal structure apparently invaginating the spinal cord at T12 level, with otherwise normal appearances of the cord - although SSFP sequences not optimal for evaluation -, and some lower thoracic disc bulging noted.

I find it amusing that I thought it maybe my heart that would prevent me from doing aerobic exercise, but instead it is my back. Although I don’t accept that it is an excuse. I know there are plenty of people with back problems that exercise successfully for weight loss. I just have to get my doctor to clear me despite what my back may indicate. Now my getting into the doctor before I move maybe the issue since he is so popular in the military community. Maybe there is another miracle waiting for me!