Listening to God - We Are Staying

My last post raised some good questions that I wanted to address.

After much prayer and reflection we know we are supposed to be here in Tucson now. We moved here for many reasons, most importantly because God wanted us here.  Our family has experienced such huge miracles and blessings that we try to work out all things for His glory. Oddly enough, we are confident we are in His will when others tell us we are crazy, shouldn't do something or it doesn't make sense to them.

It makes more sense to move where NASA can have a job. However, it isn't what God wants us to do right now.

Why don’t I return to work? It wouldn’t solve the issue of my husband needing to work. He is a goal oriented person with a work ethic making it hard for him to accept retirement at the age of 41. He is volunteering his time each week, but it isn’t enough for him. Plus, I have grown to enjoy being home and available to my children. Early on, we agreed that I was the one to stay home for the children. 

I have my own employment challenges too. I have a Masters degree and have been out of my field of human resources for 5 years. I would have to return to work full-time.  There are few and far between part-time positions in human resources. I would prefer not to choose work over my children.  Most human resources professionals do not want to supervise someone with 15 years of experience and degrees. I am over educated and lack recent work history.  I respect women who work or return to work after having children. It is a huge balancing act of work and family. I tried it in March of 2008, it wasn't for me. It stressed me out and I missed my girls. 

Then there is bringing the girls back to homeschooling. It was always the goal to make sure they got the attention and instruction they needed to be successful.

Having them in school has been a huge learning experience. I volunteer in their classrooms and see what outside education has done for children. There are second graders who struggle to read. Smart kids who when I sat and read with a small group, they didn't even know how to try and sound out the words. I could see their frustration. I know our local public school is not a long term strategy for us.

Our loan modification came through, finally. With the guidance of a HUD counselor we started the process back in February. In July the bank agreed to let us enter into a 6 month 'trail' modification period, resulting in a lower monthly payment. If we could successfully complete the trial period they would modify our loan. There were no terms for our modification laid out. We had no clue what the end result would be. Although we were only 2 months into our trial period, the bank sent us paperwork to permanently modify the loan. They offered us a lower interest rate. Instead of the 6.25% we were paying, it was modified down to 3.75%. All the terms remained the same, 25 years left on the loan and same remaining principle.  Essentially we got a refinance without any closing costs lowering our monthly payment to be more affordable. We closed this week on the modified loan.

We are selling all the excess things we have accumulated over the last 20 years. Using the money to fund some changes we want to make in the house.

The first big step to show our commitment to sticking it out here was selling all our moving boxes. We have started hanging pictures on the walls. Soon we will be replacing the flooring in our living room, building storage in the garage and putting the drapes/curtains up. We will make this our home again. It feels good and we know it is what is right now.

2 John 6 (NIV) And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in his love.

Soon we will address the best direction for our girls schooling. One thing at a time.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before…

I really would like to know that products are being discontinued before I run out of them. This has been a long running issue in my life. I get set on something that works well and makes my life easier, then BAM it is off the market. I remember the first time it happened, it was very traumatic. The lipstick, it didn’t dry my lips out, make them peel or wear off to fast. Next it was my favorite bra. I did find another bra and when it was discontinued I was able to go online and buy a dozen in two different sizes, but that was 10 years ago. I did the same thing when my favorite underwear disappeared from the stores. I am down to my last few and they are getting worn out. I have others, but they just are not as good or worthy of future purchasing.

Look the pillowcase matches the shower curtain below.

There have been shower curtains, rugs and sheet sets that wear out before the coordinating soap dish, toothbrush holder, bedspread and curtains. Thank goodness that went out of style.

Evidence of the 90's bathroom decor and my daughter caught in the act of playing with my favorite foundation primer.

My dermatologist got me hooked on recommendations and now I have to change, same thing with my hairdresser. There were facial cleansers, moisturizers, shampoos, conditioners, mousse, sculpting gel, foundation and primer too, just gone. Once I find a product I am not allergic to and works great, I become a loyal consumer. It doesn’t matter if they are economy products or luxury brands, everything at some point is reformulated or discontinued. If I had unlimited resources, well if it didn’t expire too, I would buy a warehouse full of the things I love. Shhhh, I have been known to use products beyond the listed expiration date.

It is the same with some television shows I watched the first season or more, and it gets canceled. If I had known there wouldn’t be closure or a tidy ending I never would have started watching it. It is okay to take shows off the air if the show ties up loose ends. Otherwise conclusion episodes for cancelled shows should be mandatory and written into the contract with the network.

Change happens in life, but some changes just seem ridiculous and create way to much unnecessary work for adapting.



© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Another Day of Bows

My oldest daughter has been invited to a birthday party of one of her classmates. We don't really have the resources to buy a present that I would feel comfortable giving. I am trying something new. I have until May 19th to see if I can pull it off to my satisfaction. I decided to follow directions and make some corker bows. I didn't realize how time consuming it could be. First I used dowels that were to large so the spirals were to loose. So I used skewers from our grill tools to get a tighter spiral. They worked great, but I only had four of them.

The mail arrived while I was lamenting about my lack of choices. My Mom, Grandma, comes through. She sends us boxes of clothes or supplies I request on a fairly regular basis. She rocks. She sent me 1/4 inch dowels that were perfect. I was able to make more that had the right spiral tightness.

I made some different combinations of the 3/8 inch grosgrain ribbon. It takes 25 minutes in the oven for the wet ribbon to get the twist. Add on twisting it onto the dowel and taking it off then the time to heat seal the ends it is quite the project. I wish I knew some shortcuts. The end results are fairly nice.  I spent 6 hours making 6 bows and 2 hair clips. I would like a better return on my time. I can see why bows like this cost $8-10. If I ever see any for less than $8, then I know they are a real steal since they are so labor intensive.

I do have two favorites that I will have to make again since I will want my daughters to get a chance to wear them. I also think I will look in their closet to see what I can specifically coordinate with a dress or outfit.

Now I have to figure out what to do with all the 5/8 inch ribbon. I will have to watch more You Tube videos. Feel free to make suggestions.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Crafting Crocodiles for the Child

I never intended for my blog to be all about arts and crafts. This being my third craft post though doesn't really qualify it as such. Plus, I mostly leave the crafts to friends, especially one great friend who does a fabulous blog that I like. I will say it again, to remind myself, I am not a craft person. I really do not like doing crafts. I have fallen into it because I homeschool my daughter AND want to save money. My youngest daughter loves to do arts and crafts. [My oldest daughter, 6 years old, does too, but she is in a private school for now.] In fact it is the only way I can get her to learn some things. Twice a week I start out the night before or in the morning asking her what art or craft she would like to do. She always picks some sort of animal. Lately it is related to an animal she has interacted with on Sim Animals Africa, or watched on the Wild Kratz or Go, Diego Go. We then Google whatever animal she chooses and look at the images that come up. She picks the craft based on what she likes, supplies we have and if I think we can manage it.

Feeling ambitious today.

Today it was crocodiles, which included looking at alligator crafts. We learned a couple crocodile facts, then I had her practice writing her small “c” and “r” letters. I tried to incorporate some math with measuring out the size of paper, skip counting googly eyes, etc… but she caught on to it and started to zone out on me. Since working on fine motor skills is very important for her abilities I figured that cutting, painting, and applying glue was good enough. Plus, do you realize how much skill it takes to locate two matching googly eyes from a large spaghetti jar full of eyes? You have to match color, size, and features since there are some with colored eyes, pupils, and eyelashes.
The handprint crocodiles were an easy concept, but to make it really cool you have to do Spock’s Vulcan Salute and bend your thumb to your index finger. It is a great motor skill for a little one, let alone an adult.

She painted a paper plate blue too since she thinks we can make a blue alligator out of it. I haven’t decided how we are going to execute that final product yet.

The paper bag crocodiles really are a sign that I am getting a bit more artistic when it comes to creating crafts. I didn’t find a paper bag crocodile craft online. I saw paper towel ones and ones made with little 3 oz. paper cups, but nothing with a paper bag. I am learning you can make almost anything with a paper bag. I figured I would start with the bag and some of my scrapbook paper just like I used for the zebra and lions we did. I love scrapbook paper. It feeds my desire for perfection.

The scrapbook paper I use all the time for our animal crafts.

After I did all the alligator paper on the bag, I envisioned what I needed to do, not knowing if it would really work. I had to use some card stock paper on the inside to make it stronger. I did one staple in the center of the open end of the bag to create the head shape.

Did you know that crocodiles cannot stick out their tongues? We thought that was a cool thing to know so we included a pink tongue inside the paper bag alligator. Personally, I think the finished product came out really well.

I found the clothespin alligators online. They seemed easy, but after painting and 3 hours of crafts, my daughter actually got burnt out.

I wonder what we will do next time. Does anyone know of a curriculum that revolves around just animals or is all arts and crafts based? I would love to find one. I may need to find unit studies on each animal to create my own curriculum that can incorporate arts and crafts. The thing that I found was that there weren’t many animal unit studies that were isolated to one animal. I found unit studies that were of cats, dogs and horses. The rest were more about categories like sea creatures, farm animals, amphibians, reptiles, jungle, etc… She would like very specific animals, like mountain lions.  If anyone knows of a good source or has ideas, please let me know.  

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

I Surprise Myself

Since my oldest daughter goes to school now, she loses hair clips all the time. She is growing out a short layered pixie style hairdo that she wanted about 1 1/2 years ago.  Growing out super short layers is no easy task. Her hair is always in her eyes. In order to keep some of it out of the way for school she wears barrettes, bobby pins, and/or hair clips. They seem to disappear as fast as I can buy them. I got most of them at the dollar store, but it was adding up. 

Then there is my other daughter who is growing out her hair, thank goodness not layers. I put her hair up in a ponytail most of the time. She would prefer I braid it or do something fancy. The fanciest thing I can do is a basic Topsy Tail and/or put a bow in her hair. Yes, I have an original Topsy Tail tool from 1992. I still haven’t used it to its full potential. 

I am hair challenged. I grew up with a curling iron in my hand. I can curl the heck out of any hair, but can’t braid or anything else to save my life. Actually I can braid embroidery floss. I used to make braided bracelets all the time when I was young. Which reminds me, do you remember the bubble gumwrappers that you could fold and make into bracelets? I found out recently that making those is doing origami. Who knew? 

My point in all of that is that I can braid, but have a hard time with hair and don’t have the patience to do it on a live wiggly child. 
 

Anywho, I know that God has a sense of humor by blessing us with two little girls that have gorgeous features that are best displayed with their hair out of the way. People tell me, “it is easy, just keep trying and you will get it.” I guess I shouldn’t say I can’t do it, it is more like I can’t do it well enough, so I don’t like it. Heck I have a hard enough time just trying to get a part straight. I can’t do jig jag parts either. I see absolutely adorable hairdos on other little girls that I couldn’t dream of doing. 
 
What, did these people have Barbie head dolls to practice on all the time? I wasn’t really a doll kind of girl. I preferred Barbie’s camper instead of her. I liked to play card games, puzzles, house, tea parties with stuffed animals, color, and read. When I did get a doll, I tried to use my Mom’s curling iron on it. It was the biggest smelly mess ever. I have a memory of that smell, it was awful.

Hair after the playground.

I have decided that no matter what the girls’ hair may look like, a nice hair clip or bow detracts from the mess. So if the hair clips or bows are pretty and/or unique enough no one will notice the messy hair. Do you think that is a good strategy? 

Hence my latest project: making hair accessories. It is less expensive than even the dollar store. Plus I have put an order into Grandma to please send supplies. Also, I have an amazing friend who does awesome crafts that is going to make me some bows too. I figured we can never have too many hair accessories with two active little girls!

You Tube has been a tremendous help. I never would have known how to do anything without You Tube. See my latest creations, not bad for a very awkward crafter in training. Now if I could just figure out how to stop burning my fingers. I swear I end up with more glue all over my fingers too than on the craft item. I keep something (plate or paper towel) by me to keep all the peeled glue in until I am ready to throw it away. Making these I went through 3 glue sticks. I did all these in one afternoon and evening which I won’t do that again. I think craft sessions need to be less than 3 hours.

If I keep up creating all these craft items I may have to take back my declaration that I am not a “craft person”. I think I have at least called a truce about my hating crafts. Maybe I can inspire others to do crafts for the sake of the children. Well, it helps our budget too since we have a much lower income now. 

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

We Maybe On Hoarders Soon

We still are not moved into this house to the level I would like. In fact when I look at certain areas of our home, I think, “This is how hoarders start.” It usually takes us 3-4 months to move into a place. Back in January I posted that we were 75% there. Well it hasn't changed. You would think that after 14 moves in 20 years we would have it down to a system. We do not. I swear it is more chaos each time because we keep adding people and lots of things each time. The goal is for there not to be a single box in the house that isn’t put away for storage or in a closet serving some purpose. The next goal is for at least one car in the garage, if not both. We usually have both cars parked in the garage by the 1^st year. 


Corner of 1 Bedroom

Today, I conquered more of the kid’s clothes. I swear it is a weekly battle. I put all the winter clothes in storage bins. I put Spring/Summer outfits together for my youngest. Her sense of style and mine are not compatible. She will wear what she likes and the top and bottom don’t have to even come close to resembling a match. It goes against who I am and it is not the one thing I can compromise.  So she can pick whatever outfit she wants out of the vast array of choices matched up in her closet. I have saved all those hangers to make it possible to keep a two piece outfit together. She now has 21 outfits hanging in her closet. I did leave some odd shirts in her dresser drawers along with some very neutral bottoms that could make any combination of ensembles. It didn’t make sense to have empty dresser drawers. Underwear, socks and PJs only take up so much room.

Corner of a 2nd Bedroom

My oldest also has at least 25 different outfits she can coordinate on her own hanging in her closet or in her dresser drawers. I still need to go through all their socks. Although they have 10 inches in height difference, they are only 1 shoe size away from each other. There are still socks in their dresser that they wore 4 shoe sizes ago. I think I will look up what crafts we can do this week with old socks.

I have got to make some time later today for going through all my clothes and shoes. Access to the correct season of clothes and shoes would be an improvement. I really don’t need my fleece in my dresser drawers and boots out front in my closet. I have been hesitating to make the switch because I haven’t found time to get a pedicure. I need a pedicure so I can start wearing my slides and sandals which are still in a box.  I can’t wear capris until I can wear my slides and sandals. It is a ridiculous predicament. The start of Spring for me is a pedicure and I just haven’t found the time to go. I’m thinking it needs to be a priority this week.

How embarrasing. I have some work to do today!

If I get my clothes sorted through along with my dresser and closet cleared out, then I can get rid of more boxes.  Sigh… I must have a serious shopping problem, otherwise how do I accumulate all this stuff? It will be good to purge all my larger sizes too. It will reinforce that I can never go back.

Hopefully the garage won't look like this much longer.

Now, maybe next weekend, before it gets to hot my husband and I can tackle the garage. Speaking of tackle, I need to run up stairs a few more time, I had a Kit Kat last night while watching a movie.

Where Oh Where Have My Items Gone...

...where oh where can they be?

It has been one month since we arrived in Tucson. We are moved in about 75%. There are still boxes that we haven't unpacked, some we haven't gotten to and others we have decided we don't need right now. Of course there are the items I would like to have that we can't find. How do you loose something in a move? Well, the packers pack the boxes and mark them with what the major contents are and what room they are from. Unfortunately what the packer decides is the major contents and what I would think are major are two different things. We are still looking for a box containing our bedroom lamps. We have the shades, but no lamps. There is no box labeled lamps. The only unopened boxes for our room are labeled shoes and books. We opened the large shoe box and only see shoes. I didn't intend to open the book boxes because we usually do those last. Plus, if we move soon I see no reason to create more work by unloading and then packing the books up again.

Whenever we move we watch the packers and carry our own Sharpies around adding our own lists and/or comments about the contents. Since this move wasn't organized and at one point had 4 people packing our contents, there was lots of room for gaps in the information listed on the boxes. I'm still trying to figure out where the heck the rugs are for my bathroom. Tile floors are chilly and I could really use them at this time of year. All the boxes labeled bathroom and linens have been opened. So where are they? It is any ones guess. Maybe labeled 'garage' since we still have several of those not opened. It could be labeled 'kids toys' since that would make sense. Children can turn rugs or lamps into toys, right.

Well, what is important is that we are at functioning level now. We aren't living out of suitcases anymore and I don't feel like I am living in a hotel. We spent this weekend cleaning the downstairs so at least if someone comes over I won't be totally humiliated. Upstairs is still a cluttered mess with some boxes. I won't even mention the garage.

Both of us are still searching for a new career position. Whoever can get hired first is the winner. I am supposed to figure out how long we can keep our house while we are both unemployed, but I haven't done it yet.  I would like to stay in denial about our impending financial decline. With the look of our garage we maybe thinking we will loose the house sooner rather than later. My husband is hoarding empty boxes and paper. I don't look in the garage very often. I would like to think that my denial is actually optimism.

Career moves

Today you get another perspective on our decision to move back to Tucson. This is in my husband's words, an answer to a family members concern about his quick retirement decision.

“Thanks for your advice. I have already officially applied for retirement. To put you at ease, this was not a snap decision from emotion but one of thought, prayer, and Christian counsel from fellow retired officers, and of course with Leslie. Also, it is not really half pay but more like 1/3 pay. And, yes it is a down economy but that does not limit God. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. And quite frankly, I am excited for the first time in many years. This opens many opportunities to more fully let God work in our lives. I have so many options that it is difficult to choose.

I can go back to school get a second master's degree in Ranglend Management at the U of A for free and get a housing stipend plus my retirement with the GI Bill. I can get another job in weather, not what I desire, but a possibility. I can go into ministry as an assistant pastor with my current masters. I can join the Guard or Reserves. I can start a home based business or a real bricks and mortar one like a U-Swirl franchise. I can stay at home and home school my children.

Public school is absolutely never an option in any way what so ever. Our young children should not be left for a majority of their daily lives having their faith and ours assaulted. There are statistics after statistics to support our decision that public school is not an option. It is a whole different discussion left for a different time. If interested check out: www.exploringhomeschooling.com

I can be a college professor at the bachelor's level teaching meteorology 101. The list kind of goes on. But, the main point is I now have multiple choices. The down economy will make a challenge but it is not insurmountable. I refuse to let the government be my crutch. In the grand scheme of things, my career is over. The military will not provide the growth I want and only more separation from my family. I have served faithfully for 20 years, put service before self, and now it is time to say thank you and look forward to the next stage of life before the Gov sucks the life out of me. God led me into the military and I feel now He is leading me out.

Leslie could go back to work. I am not worried about finances God will work them through. But, I do want to get the Tucson albatross off the neck and get that taken care of instead of kicking the proverbial can down the road. We will still get health services as good as they are mostly from my experience they have been great as long as you are healthy and don't need care. Getting a renter $800 to $1000 a month below our mortgage is not a viable option. We have to get a principle reduction, short sale, or significant interest reduction. And unfortunately, our current system and who broke the system in the first place makes us liable to be sued as investors (rental property) but as home owners with a significant reduction in salary we "qualify" to get some relief. Further, they can't hold my clearance over my head that would be non-relevant at that time. Bottom line, thanks for the advice but the retirement is in motion. Leslie and I have a peace about it and look forward to what God has in store.

And yes, it is awesome that Leslie will not need open heart surgery any time soon. The hole is negligible, it is her tricupid valve that is not working properly due to the years of her enlarged heart. She has tricuspid regurgitation that she is dealing with. It causes her exhaustion, edema, etc... Keep us up in prayer for guidance. I am good with our decision and look forward to it."

Thank You, But We Are Done.

Today we got confirmation that my husband’s request for retirement was accepted. I say 'we' because when your husband enters the military the whole family does too. We have spent 20 years serving this country. We spent 10 years as an enlisted family and 10 years as an officer’s family. Due to deployments, assignments and a remote tour, we spent 6 years of our first 10 living in the same place. We have lived only the last 6 years as parents. Over the 20 years we have lived in 17 different homes, apartments, and/or condos, only 5 of which we owned. We still own 2. It has brought us places we never would have chosen, introduced us to great people, created little families of friends around the world, shaped our characters like nothing else could and made us very reliant and dependent on our faith and relationship with God.
The Lord led my husband into the military and we feel He has led us out as well. It wasn’t something we contemplated for months. It really took us by surprise. I always thought we would have plenty of time to decide and process this major life event.

We own a home in Tucson, Arizona. We have rented it out since we left. Our ideal tenant is leaving this month. We started considering if we wanted to hire a property management company and what our long term goals were with our home in Tucson. This brought up the direction of his career and our future with the military. We had been in Vegas for two years and as an Officer that makes you eligible to be moved. He just got his line number for his promotion to Major. His field in the Air Force is small so he knows who to talk to about where he stands. He had been told he was on the Top Ten List for his field and rank of officers to be deployed. We had a fairly good idea about where his next choice for career opportunity was going to be on the East Coast. We took a look at what our goals are and what we want to be doing in 5, 10 and 15 years. Most importantly we sought the counsel of some Christian men who have retired from the military and we prayed.

It was literally just days later my husband was submitting his request to retire.  We didn’t want our home in Tucson to sit empty for long, so he requested a waiver to expedite the process. It can take the government 4-6 weeks to let you know your request has been approved.

Alert, the answer to "when" is coming.
It took only 2 weeks to get his official retirement date of March 1, 2012. He has 80 days of leave/vacation built up that we have to use. So that brings his last day of actual work to the first full week in December.
Did you get your answer? Pick a day near or around December 9, 2011 and you got it.

Yes, we are going to move in less than 6 weeks so our home can be rented out as soon as possible.  We just closed on the refinance of our Vegas home, 3.75% fixed interest rate making our monthly mortgage payment $230 less per month. We can rent out our Vegas home at fair market value, pay a property manager and landscape company while still clearing a little bit to save for repairs. It may actually turn out to be a true investment property.

The only reason we could justify staying in longer, past our 20 years, would be for the safety and security it provides us financially. We are a family of Christian faith so that did not make sense. Our safety and security is in God.

Sure, we move back with only the certainty of 38% of our normal annual income, but we will be a family who now has time to spend together. We will no longer have to adapt and support my husband’s job with the military. We will be free to choose.

We will move back to our Tucson home with the whole house air filtration system (our allergies should be so much better), whole house water filtration system and solar hot water heater. We will start another chapter in our lives. We are not the same family that left Tucson and we have definitely benefited from our Vegas experience. A whole new world of opportunities is open to us. As freaked out as I am about the quick change, I am excited too.

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear…….³³ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34

Oh, I still have to get to California for my appointment Monday at UCLA for my cardiac MRI. Life moves very fast around here. Blink and you might miss it.

Time for A Change

Life never seems to be dull or boring around here. I want to get an update out there about the busy things in our life I mentioned in my July post. http://obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com/2011/07/its-hard-to-start-again.html
The Good News, well other than about Jesus, the IRS closed our case in our favor. They didn’t change a thing on our return and we got our complete refund. It was a very healthy amount, given our money pit in Tucson, AZ. We are now credit card DEBT FREE and had some money left over to save for a raining day. Woo Hoo. We are prepared to handle the financial blessings God provides us. That all came from doing Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey. Check out a local course near you! Our church has been offering it for over a year now. http://www.canyonridge.org/default.aspx?page=8146&eventId=16594

More news is that we will be on our way to UCLA October 3^rd to have my heart checked out. I am meeting with Dr. Jonathan Tobis who specializes in Interventional Cardiology Research. His specialty is finding other means to fix the heart so to speak without open heart surgery. I don't think any procedure will be necessary at this point. I have to be prudent though and get a professional opinion and explore the best options.  I am more convinced than ever that my extreme exhaustion, vertigo, edema, aches, pains, respiratory distress, etc... are more related to allergies, diet and exercise.

Since this all started back in September when I made the commitment to do Couch Potato to 5K training, God has been working on my awareness of how I am treating the temple He has given me. He has placed people in my path to bring my attention to what I can do about it. Clearly His hand is on my life as I had lived 33 years with a significant hole in my heart. Now ten years later, I find myself with many of the same issues I had before surgery. Instead of dwelling on a failed repair, I like to think of this as an opportunity to heal, to allow God to do His work with me.

What does that look like? I am focusing on my diet now. Once all the tests are done and the doctor clears me, I will start adding more exercise. I really just think I'm a bit toxic and need to get rid of all the processed sugar and bad carbs in my diet. Since September, I have watched the following documentaries: Food Inc., Ingredients, Food Matters and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  In doing research on the internet I have read about Genetic Engineering, chemical exposure, environmental hazards, yeast overgrowth, insulin resistance, GERD, sleep apnea, etc...  There are so many things that can contribute to poor nutrition and serious health issues, not just a hole in a heart.

We now eat as many organic things as we can along with Grass Fed Beef and soon Pastured Poultry. Still working on getting all the chemical products and processed sugar out of our lives. I really feel I need to get back to what God designed the human body to endure. He made us humans to be a well designed efficient system. He gave us the food we need. People did not need to create or engineer the food we eat. I feel Him leading me and calling me to be a good steward of His creation, me. I am seeking His will for me. Now how that turns out in the end still remains to be seen.