I'm in a Funk! Ya think...

In this case I am going with Etymology #2 as defined by Wictionary.
Noun

funk (countable and uncountable; plural funks)
1.(countable) mental depression
2.(uncountable) A state of fear or panic, especially cowardly

Just haven't felt like doing much. Poor NASA is so tolerant, my kids too. It is starting to pile up around here. This happens every so often. Sometimes more frequently than others. My biggest challenge this time is the chaos of the clothes and laundry. Why does the state of our laundry reflect my moods?

Anywho, I have until April 15th to get the cobwebs out of my motivation and push through. Why April 15th, other than it being tax day (already filed)? It is the day we have some cleaning people coming to Spring clean. I am excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I can't wait to have the place scrubbed floor to ceiling. Not that it hasn't been clean. I say we keep it superficially clean. All the ordinary stuff is washed and scrubbed on a relatively consistent basis, but not the deep clean. We don't wipe off baseboards or get to walls or windows very often, like sometimes never. The thing is that I have to get the laundry under control to really get the upstairs to benefit from this Spring cleaning.

At least upstairs isn't as bad as it was before.

What it looked like one year ago in 2012.

Darn, I should have taken after pictures. It did look better for 11 months. Especially since the boxes are gone. Now that I look at the actual pictures again from last year. It isn't as different as I would like it to be this year. Those darn clothes are back to haunt me. Right now there are 3 hampers full of clothes, 2 laundry baskets and a dryer full of clean clothes. The washer has a load of towels in it waiting to dry. Obviously they will need washed again. Then there are 2 storage containers of summer and winter clothes. This time of year where we have to transition from winter to summer clothes does not help at all. Clearly this time of year is a real stumbling block for me when it comes to laundry. How interesting that my Hoarders post was almost exactly 1 year ago, uncanny.

Of course my laundry issue is just a symptom. I have a long list of things I haven't done. My blogs are so neglected. Well, the funk lifted last year and I got back on track, so here is looking forward to the funk ending soon! YEAH! Last year the funk ended with a big huge kerplunk. I got so ambitious I started a new blog, RU Ready to Craft, a new facebook page, started Pinterest and got more connected on Twitter. This year when it lifts I will be sure to just pick up where I left off instead of starting anything new. Well, actually I am working on a new homeschool project, but that is different, right. Anywho, off to read or do something other than what I need to do. 

© 2013 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Raising a Challenging Child

I have thought about this post for way to long. It is time to just get it out there. Many children, like my daughter Hey, with challenging behavior, can tell you all about the rules and why their behavior was inappropriate, but this knowledge doesn’t help them. My beautiful daughter was diagnosed at 3 yrs. old with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well as several developmental disorders issues and learning disabilities abilities. With professional help, we are still trying to figure out if Hey's behavior is still RAD related or something different.
Hey had a very hard start in this world when her biological parents were homeless, drug users and not emotionally able to handle a newborn. More than likely Hey has a problem with impulse control not only from inherited disabilities abilities, but also because of her prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, severe neglect, as well as damage to her frontal lobe, which controls inhibitions and judgment.

If you are interested in the difference in neurological development of traumatized children, Dr. Bruce Perry has done some great research and has published a great book, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing.



When we adopted Hey at 22 months old, we were told she seemed to be well bonded to us since she made great eye contact and was so well behaved in preschool. The problem is Hey’s behavior with us at home where she can relax and be herself. She shows no respect for our authority and always pushes to the limits. She overreacts to minor things and shows little to no reaction to what you may think is hurtful or traumatic. She is a drama queen most of the time.

As parents who strive to be the best, we have been trained and practice parenting models: 1, 2, 3 Magic and Love & Logic. Chances of it actually working go out the window most of the time, when you have a child with impulse control issues. When you can’t find the one thing to help her make better choices, it takes an incredible amount of patience. She has no toys in her room. Many times she decides that loosing privileges, things or going places are not as important as her being in control and getting what she wants.

Temper Tantrum of Challenging Child

How do you teach a child impulse control? I read a nice blog on how to practice self control in order for a young child to learn it. http://simple-gifts.blogspot.com/2010/04/helping-children-learn-impulse-control.html  It sounds great, but I think that is the best way to teach a somewhat regular child. Hey’s rage, aggression and outbursts are far from normal at home. The worst is after a day where she has been at school, hanging with friends or being out in public. She seems to be okay and holding it together, then when she is relaxed and comfortable, Hey lets it all out. The poor behavior and choices when exhausted can be common for many children, but I cannot stress the degree she takes it up to. Unless you live with a raging child, you don’t truly know. I have found the people who understand best are parents with RAD or autistic children. Interesting enough all of the developmental disorders issues and learning disabilities my daughter has are on the autism spectrum. Yet, she is not autistic. 

We are told to rehearse scenarios, practice difficult situations and predict triggers. It can be exhausting trying to figure out how to prevent the outbursts, temper tantrums, rage, and consequences of a bad decision. It doesn’t help when you are in public and Hey doesn’t realize other people can hear and see her.  People look at you as if you are the reason for your child’s poor behavior. I understand; I used to think the same thing before I had children. My mother and I were at a mall in Vegas once where I had to put Hey over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes to take her to the car to leave. We were a long walk from the car and at the age of 5 Hey was 50 inches tall and weighed more than 50 lbs. She was kicking, screaming, shouting about what a horrible person I was and other mean things kids say when they have been told ‘No’.  I think people thought I might be abducting her, but I kept saying out loud, “I said no, I am your mother and I love you no matter how bad you act.”

Then there are Hey’s trust issues. How do you get a child to trust you, especially when the child’s brain is wired to not trust and has impulse control issues? 

Hey doesn’t believe what I tell her. She tests whatever I say. For example, while looking at her Cinderella snow globe she asked me if it was water that allows the sparkles/glitter float in it. I told her, off the top of my head, it was probably some sort of water like liquid that probably had some chemical in it to suspend the particles in it better than just water alone. She asked if I was sure it wasn’t just water. I told her I was sure and since we can’t open it up to check I could google it to verify, but first I had to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the room the Cinderella snow globe was broken open on the carpet. She said it was an accident that it slipped and that indeed it was not just water because it did not taste or smell like water.

Hey being herself at home.

 She is like a teenager or adult with trust issues. She never can take your word for something. She has to check and verify. When I warned her to stay away from the hot curling iron, she touches it ‘by accident’. She has done that twice. She has burned her hand on the stove twice too. She has run into traffic as well. If I say “stop”, unless she can see the danger for herself, she won’t listen. This can be annoying in an adult (I do it myself sometimes), can you imagine it in a 7 year old?

After 16 sessions with her new therapist here in Tucson, her therapist asked me if she is always so condescending. I thought, “It took only 16 sessions to let her guard down, does that mean she is getting better?” 

This is the summer of discovering our children’s gifts and talents so that we know where to invest our time and effort for extracurricular activities for the school year. This past week Hey was in theater workshops for the week. She spent 4 hours each day learning how to be an actor in a live theater production. Clearly her ability to hold it together and knowing how to act in public is becoming her talent. She had her lines for the play memorized by the second day. She projected her voice during the performance like a real pro. She made some better choices when we told her attending her acting workshops each day were optional. We may have found the thing that has meaning to her. She may never be famous, but if it helps her channel her inner Drama Queen, I will do what we can to continue to foster her talent.

I am thankful for Hey being in our family. She has made me a better parent, learning that I need to trust other people more, stop being so selfish and still need to move away from serving my own self interest and instead serve others. I am reminded that God decided we were good enough to be Hey’s parents. He allowed us to adopt her into our family just as He adopted me, a greatly flawed individual, into His kingdom. I am humbled and reminded daily of the forgiveness God gives me for my sins. I can only hope and pray that Hey grows to trust God as she has taught us to trust Him.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4

© 2012 www.obsessedanalyst.blogspot.com All Rights Reserved.

Getting Connected Takes Time

First Day of School

After much thought, prayer and reflection, we have sent our oldest daughter, who will be 7 years old in June, back to school. She will not be homeschooled for the next 6 weeks. We found a small private Christian school here that follows the Carden Method of teaching which seems somewhat similar to the Charlotte Mason philosophy. As a 1st grade student, she started March 26, 2012 as one of 14 students in the kindergarten/1^st grade class. Next year she may go again where the class is an integrated class of 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th grade students. I think it is a good way for her to be taught at her developmental stage, not based on her age. She can excel in her strengths and get the assistance she needs for her weaker areas. It sounds awesome in theory. We shall see how it is in practice. I think we are doing what is best for her now. So far, she loves going.
Our children have to learn to share, take turns, wait for what they want and realize that other people have needs and moods, too. We felt we were failing at providing those lessons homeschooling our oldest. This daughter of ours has some mental health issues and learning abilities that have made her a challenging child for me to parent, let alone teach. She needs structure, discipline, and role models to facilitate her learning. Our child can't expect always to have people around her who understand her or cater to her every wish.  She is beyond strong willed and like me in many ways. We seem experts at pushing each other’s buttons. She frustrates me and I frustrate her. She drains and depletes our energy as parents. Most of the time, it has little to do with homeschool. In Vegas, we had a babysitter who would come at least once a week and play and do crafts with the children while I did errands and shopping. This allowed me enough time to recharge. Now our daughter is watching too much television and doing too many video and computer games so that we can try to regroup and recharge.


When we lived in Vegas, we had a great support system that made life as parents of a challenging child manageable. She had friends she could model and I had friends that listened. We had resources that supported us as parents and homeschooling. There was a homeschool gymnastics program that was a reasonable cost. There was ballet, roller skating, ice skating, regular and consistent park days. There were field trips at least monthly, if not more. There were choices and plenty of times we could get out of the house to learn along with other students and parents. The homeschool community in Vegas is phenomenal. We didn’t realize how awesome it was until we came somewhere that is not as unified a community. There are individuals (like Elissa Wahl), churches and groups in Vegas that have made it their mission to reach out and support parents as homeschoolers. It was never easy teaching my oldest daughter as a parent, but she learned and I stayed sane. There was relative peace in the home.

There was no peace here.  Everything was becoming more and more of a struggle. Little to nothing was being accomplished. We were not functioning well as a family. We felt like failures as parents despite prayers and our best effort. Adding schooling onto being responsible and loving parents was not happening. Even with my husband being home and available to assist in anything we needed, it hadn’t gotten any better. In fact, I think it got worse.  We barely could get through a dinner devotion. 14 hours a day of trying to be patient, calm and collected while our child of chaos raged about us became too much. Tensions were high and the explosions were the only consistent things. If we didn’t have therapy (PT and psychotherapy) twice a week, I think I would be in a straight jacket.


It really isn’t about schooling so much as it is that we want to be better parents all around. We feel we cannot be the loving role models and parents our children need 24/7 with little to no breaks. Our energy was drained and depleted after just a few hours each day. Now with her being away at school we are only dealing with 4-5 hours of some chaotic behavior during the week. It has been refreshing. I deeply admire those parents who live with children with autism and other abilities. We are still trying to figure out how to do it all. We hope to be ‘good enough’ parents, helping each of our children to fully develop into the person God intended them to be.


I am still homeschooling my youngest, a kindergartner. I will be able to reach out to more homeschoolers and friends over the coming months to establish the support system we need. I'm learning again that it takes time to establish relationships in a community and having our daughter in a good school for now really helps. 

We Maybe On Hoarders Soon

We still are not moved into this house to the level I would like. In fact when I look at certain areas of our home, I think, “This is how hoarders start.” It usually takes us 3-4 months to move into a place. Back in January I posted that we were 75% there. Well it hasn't changed. You would think that after 14 moves in 20 years we would have it down to a system. We do not. I swear it is more chaos each time because we keep adding people and lots of things each time. The goal is for there not to be a single box in the house that isn’t put away for storage or in a closet serving some purpose. The next goal is for at least one car in the garage, if not both. We usually have both cars parked in the garage by the 1^st year. 


Corner of 1 Bedroom

Today, I conquered more of the kid’s clothes. I swear it is a weekly battle. I put all the winter clothes in storage bins. I put Spring/Summer outfits together for my youngest. Her sense of style and mine are not compatible. She will wear what she likes and the top and bottom don’t have to even come close to resembling a match. It goes against who I am and it is not the one thing I can compromise.  So she can pick whatever outfit she wants out of the vast array of choices matched up in her closet. I have saved all those hangers to make it possible to keep a two piece outfit together. She now has 21 outfits hanging in her closet. I did leave some odd shirts in her dresser drawers along with some very neutral bottoms that could make any combination of ensembles. It didn’t make sense to have empty dresser drawers. Underwear, socks and PJs only take up so much room.

Corner of a 2nd Bedroom

My oldest also has at least 25 different outfits she can coordinate on her own hanging in her closet or in her dresser drawers. I still need to go through all their socks. Although they have 10 inches in height difference, they are only 1 shoe size away from each other. There are still socks in their dresser that they wore 4 shoe sizes ago. I think I will look up what crafts we can do this week with old socks.

I have got to make some time later today for going through all my clothes and shoes. Access to the correct season of clothes and shoes would be an improvement. I really don’t need my fleece in my dresser drawers and boots out front in my closet. I have been hesitating to make the switch because I haven’t found time to get a pedicure. I need a pedicure so I can start wearing my slides and sandals which are still in a box.  I can’t wear capris until I can wear my slides and sandals. It is a ridiculous predicament. The start of Spring for me is a pedicure and I just haven’t found the time to go. I’m thinking it needs to be a priority this week.

How embarrasing. I have some work to do today!

If I get my clothes sorted through along with my dresser and closet cleared out, then I can get rid of more boxes.  Sigh… I must have a serious shopping problem, otherwise how do I accumulate all this stuff? It will be good to purge all my larger sizes too. It will reinforce that I can never go back.

Hopefully the garage won't look like this much longer.

Now, maybe next weekend, before it gets to hot my husband and I can tackle the garage. Speaking of tackle, I need to run up stairs a few more time, I had a Kit Kat last night while watching a movie.

Let Me Get Real - A Weighty Issue

I originally wrote a majority of this message back in November 2011. I didn't post it then because I was scared I couldn't stay the course, but I did.  So here it is with updates.

This past weekend our Pastor at Canyon Ridge, Kevin Odor, went over discipline. Interesting thing is that Pastor Kevin decided to use the metaphor of losing weight to discuss discipline with money.  Oh how I need to hear the message and live it.
 

As you may have read, God healed the hole in my heart after an amazing worship concert with Michael W. Smith at Canyon Ridge. What an awesome blessing this church was in our lives while we were in Las Vegas. We will miss the role it has played in our spiritual growth, but are assured that God will continue to bless us at our next church, Pantano Christian in Tucson, Arizona.

Anywho, back on the subject of weight loss. With the hole in my heart healed I have to focus on getting the rest of my body on the road to healing too.  Despite God’s mighty work with my heart, I am still addicted to food.  I know in my heart that I need to eat less and exercise more. As many of you know, it is easy to say, very difficult to do. 

“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.”Proverbs 5:23

I have started my committed journey today, the day after my recovery from a stomach ailment. It is a great jump start since I spent 1 complete day not eating and lost 3 lbs. Of course it wasn’t the best way to start, but you have to start somewhere.  Now I have to figure out how to stick to making better choices. I know what I have to do, but dang, it is a minute by minute struggle. Geez, I almost wish I was addicted to some drug or alcohol that could easily be removed from my home. You can’t stop eating. It doesn’t work for very long. I have gallbladder disease too with at least 1 large gallstones of 2 cm. If I let myself get to hungry or eat to much fat my gallbladder lets me know.  This requires that I eat snacks and low fat meals. That part is easy, it is keeping all the calories from all those meals and snacks below what I need to lose weight.

One of my biggest obstacles to losing weight is the psychology of it all.  I don’t perceive myself as fat until visually presented with it by pictures or by the size of my pants. Although this may sound odd, I do not see my huge self in the mirror.  I didn’t become obese until I was an adult. I didn’t struggle with my weight until my twenties. I graduated high school at 125 lbs. I was 115 lbs. when I met my husband. I then rapidly gained over 50 lbs. over 1 winter in Watertown, NY after being on Norplant (implanted birth control) and experiencing cabin fever due to over 390 inches of snow in one season. I later learned I suffer from Seasonal Affect Disorder. The rest of the weight gradually crept on year after year of inactivity and overeating.

Myself and My Mom in Feb. 2011

My immediate family is obese. My father, 5’ 8” tall, died at the age of 56 over 300 lbs. My brother, 5’ 8” tall, at the age of 42 died weighing at least 400 lbs. My Mom, 5’5” tall, is morbidly obese too. My worst weight, being 5’6” tall, at one time was 258 lbs. really, not over or under exaggerating. It is all about the truth and taking off the masks. I have learned that from Mandisa, a great inspiration to me.

“Buy the truth and do not sell it: get wisdom, discipline and understanding.” Proverbs 23:23

I have so many excuses it is ridiculous. Since birth I became physically ill when I exerted myself. I spent 33 years with a gaping hole in my heart that made me very ill whenever I did aerobic exercise. Can you imagine the obstacle that presents the mind. I still dream and see myself as the healthy weight I was as a young adult. I have spent decades swallowing my emotions. I have a mental illness that requires I take medications, one of which results in weight gain.  I spend hours sitting in front of a computer. I am home most hours of the day homeschooling my two daughters. I suspect one of our daughters has food neophobia so I have to keep some of the few foods (bread, cereal bars, crackers, cheese, peanut butter, and cereal) she will eat in the house. Foods that I like to overeat.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Although moving was stressful and we haven’t fully settled in, I didn’t gain any weight. This is the first move in 15 years where I didn’t gain weight.  I am down 1 pant size and that helps motivate me.  I have a few new wardrobe items left over from lighter days. Not as many as I like, but enough to not have to constantly wear baggy things.

My Mom lost weight this summer and showed up this winter weighing 40 lbs. less. At 70 years old, if she can do it, I best get off my ass and move. I have to confess that with her being within 20 lbs. of me, I have added motivation. Oh, yes, I got Momma Drama issues.

I am looking at some aspects of the 12 step programs, praying constantly and doing a bible study. I am doing some yoga, not enough, and trying not to spend as much time sitting. I still cannot walk much due to back and feet issues, but I do run up and down the stairs here at home. My own really short interval training.

So glad that I kept this blog write up from November and can post it knowing I have made progress. I will continue on this journey to healthy choices. I’d appreciate your prayers, thanks.

God's Amazing Healing Power, REALLY!

It has taken me awhile to write out my complete miracle story, being concise doesn’t come easily for me. I could write a whole book on my life, but I’m not sure anyone would want to read it. Instead I will try to summarize it for this blog. There are many miracles I have experienced in my life. I only have listed some highlights before going over the big miracle.

·        No broken bones or death despite falling off a horse and getting amnesia, being hit by a car while on a bicycle, and several bad car accidents.

·        A simple faith in God that prevented me from following through on suicide despite a serious undiagnosed, at the time, mental illness.

·        Survived many episodes of self medication with excessive drug and alcohol usage. Also, I avoided any accidents or consequences of my DUI. I only became addicted to food, not anything illegal or alcohol despite years of abuse.

·        Receiving Jesus and accepting Him into my heart after fully understanding the salvation plan.  

·        Adopting two beautiful baby girls that share the same biological parents from the foster care system.

·        Surviving 3 major surgeries despite severe allergic reactions to general anesthesia and pain medications.

·        Living to the age of 33 despite a serious congenital heart defect, sinus venosus atrial septal defect (hole between upper chambers of the heart and a vein going in the wrong direction). The hole was > 2.7 cm, slightly larger than a quarter and my heart had enlarged 5 times the normal size of a heart to compensate.

·        After 10 years of complaints to doctors, finally finding one who listened to my symptoms and didn’t explain them away as suffering from obesity or a properly medicated mental illness.

Now I come to the awesome miracle of my latest healing. Please indulge me while I give some history I don’t think I covered my previous blog post.

In 2008, six years after my corrective heart surgery, I had some fatigue. After a transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE), a cardiologist discovered that the hole in my heart had opened. The cells in our bodies have a memory. Mine clearly were duplicating what they had known for 33 years. However, the hole was < .5 cm, smaller than a pencil eraser. My pressure, saturation and oxygenation levels were well within normal.  Many people can live to old age while having a tiny hole in their heart, no worries. In 2010, the hole got bigger. For the most up to date history about the hole in my heart you might want to read about My Almost a Clear Bill of Health for My Holy Heart. 

I had a cardiac MRI done October 24, 2011 at UCLA. I have my official written out results, confirmation of my healing. THE HOLE IS GONE! My MRI shows there is no flow or evidence for right to left shunt. My pulmonary venous connections appear normal. Here is some great medical jargon. There are: No interatrial or interventricular septal discontinuity. No pericardial effusion. Both ventricles show normal contractility throughout with normal myocardial systolic thickening. No focal mural thinning or regional hypokinesia. No delayed myocardial enhancement to suggest myocardial scar or inflammation. The aortic valve is trileaflet with normal opening and coaption, no evidence for dephasing jet. After all that mumbo jumbo, trust me, the report says the hole is gone. Alleluia! It is confirmation of the Lords miracle. “O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You have healed me.” Psalm 30:2

While the doctor went over the results I was thinking of the questions that I had for him. One of which was, “Can I do aerobic exercise now?” The interesting result from the MRI is that from a cardiac standpoint I am healthy and can resume aerobic exercise. However, to get a complete answer to that question, I have to follow up with my primary care physician. It seems that through incidental imaging of the upper abdomen, it demonstrates Cholelithiasis without evidence for biliary obstruction, but at least two gallbladder calculi, the larger measuring 2.0 cm diameter. There are also mild intervertebral disc bulges at T8-T9 and T9-T10 level, as well as, at T12 level, well defined 1 cm rounded cystic structure within the spinal cord. A well-defined high signal structure apparently invaginating the spinal cord at T12 level, with otherwise normal appearances of the cord - although SSFP sequences not optimal for evaluation -, and some lower thoracic disc bulging noted.

I find it amusing that I thought it maybe my heart that would prevent me from doing aerobic exercise, but instead it is my back. Although I don’t accept that it is an excuse. I know there are plenty of people with back problems that exercise successfully for weight loss. I just have to get my doctor to clear me despite what my back may indicate. Now my getting into the doctor before I move maybe the issue since he is so popular in the military community. Maybe there is another miracle waiting for me!