It's hard to start again.

It has been so long since I have posted that I forgot how this whole blogger thing works.  I can't believe I let that much time pass.  I have been rattling off e-mails and Facebook messages like crazy, but not blogging.  It is so cathartic for me and I neglected it, why?  Probably for the same reason why I have a hard time eating right and exercising. I lack discipline and life keeps getting busier.The number of things going on in my life right now is staggering.  Life when I started this was easier, of course I didn't see that then. It is always so hard at the time, but then once we reflect back, Wow, it wasn't that bad at all.

Last year it was being a Mom to a difficult child and homeschooling.  Now it is my health, our finances, my husband's job and my children.  I swear life's challenges are growing exponentially.

My health, let me see if I can sum it up.  I have Congenital Heart Disease which is news to me since I had my congenital heart defect fixed in 2002 when I was 34 years old (another story for another time). None of my health care professionals at the time said that I had a disease, just a defect that was corrected. Come to find out, even though it was corrected, I am still labeled as having Congenital Heart Disease. Then more news, my correction has failed. My cardiologist says the hole is back. Now I have spent the last few months dealing with that whole fiasco. More to follow in another blog post.

Our finances, we are being audited by the IRS, need I say more.

My husband's job is becoming a member of the family. It whines, demands attention, doesn't listen, and consumes our resources.

My children and I adjusting to homeschooling is interesting. They don't seem any worse for the wear. We haven't killed each other yet. Despite my feeling inadequate and failing miserably they are still learning to read and write.

Oh, I just thought of a major reason why I didn't post blogs.  My mother was here for the winter. Yes, she arrived before Christmas and didn't leave until just before Easter. It was a long winter. Every time I sat at the computer, which is very frequently, she would say, "There you go again, sitting at that bloody computer."  I would explain that I use the computer to research and function in all aspects of my life.  I do my grocery list online, I print coupons online, I get recipes online, I search and print out activities for the kids, crafts, coloring pages, I talk to my friends mostly online, I look up deals, I research products, I look up medical conditions, I read the news, I watch videos, I read blogs, I research all different aspects of homeschooling, I download, edit and post pictures, I read and post on Facebook, and I have 4 different e-mail addresses to check. If I am not on my computer I am interacting with my children or doing household chores.  I rarely watch tv or read books anymore. My children get me as their teacher and as their Mom giving them lots of attention. No one is suffering or feeling neglected because of my computer time. It seemed she was the only one with the problem and I allowed her to make me feel guilty about each computer session. I kept my computer use to a bare minimum. I did it and it was hard. Once she left I didn't get back to it much, but I did read a few books and watched more tv!

I'll see if I can start over with this blog.

Okay, so I have follow up issues.

Where in the world did I go?  Like most people at this time of year I got busy doing everything, but this blog.  In fact I am off now to a neighborhood Christmas party.  I hope everyone is taking time to enjoy the fun activities of the season.

Adjustment Period

I'm sitting here in my home in silence, just listening to the refrigerator hum.  I can here the clicking of the keys on my keyboard.  These are sounds I don't hear very often.  I'm not really someone who enjoys silence.  I prefer music, tv, or people talking.  I am an extrovert, I derive much of my energy for life from other people.  However, lately I find that all the time I spend with my children has created a desire of solitary moments of silence.  Since I started to homeschool the two girls there are few breaks.  It is either myself or my husband caring for and teaching them.  I can see why mothers send their children off to school.  It seems it would be easier.  I have my moments.

My oldest child is draining my energy.  She constantly seems to feel the need to test me. Will I still love her if she spills Nerds everywhere? Will I still love her when she pours water all over her sister leaving puddles all over the floor? Will I still love her after she places boogers all over the walls and doors?  Will I still love her when she takes all the organic baby carrots out of the bag to play with? Will I still love her when she places stickers all over her window?  Sure I will still love her, but dang I can't stand the behavior. Today she spent at least 2 hours in her room in timeouts. Not all at one time, but spread out throughout the day.  At one point, I took a 10 minute timeout in my room.

I have gained 10 lbs. since I started homeschooling my children.  Since I am 100 lbs. overweight to start, this is not a good development. I am trying to walk more and get to the Y to swim. I find it difficult to get anywhere when I have 2 children that don't want to do what I want them to do it when I want to do it.

I adore reading and haven't read a book in months. I am losing myself in this quest to homeschool my children.  I think I am going to have us go on a school break.  Maybe if I stop focusing so much on providing learning experiences in all aspects of our daily life I can get some balance back.  I was told by some other homeschool Moms that it can take 5 months to adjust to this new way of doing things.  I am in the 3rd month. 

I love to write as well and wanted this blog to be a cathartic release of my babblings.  I haven't been following through with this either.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and disappointed in myself.  Why can't I seem to get into the swing of things. I think I keep waiting for the magic formula of it all coming together.  Maybe after a bit of a break I can get a fresh perspective.